In July 2012, I wrote Not Being Frank for a Moment . . . this post is a postscript to that one.

Warning: The photo captions contain V-bonics . . . just to brighten your day.

I Be Not Dis Frank Viola

I’m just a young kid with a dream . . . but my childhood dream of pitching in the Majors didn’t quite pan out.

I Be Not Dis Frank Viola Either

My middle name is Anthony, by the way. Can you believe that?  Please tell me I’m better looking than this guy.

Dis Frank Viola Be Me

So to put any confusion to rest, as God is my witness –

I have nevah evah played baseball for the Major Leagues.

And as God is my witness –

I have nevah evah committed a sexual offense.

I am the other Frank Viola . . . just a kid with a dream. The Italian guy who loves the Lord Jesus and whom Jesus loves back with great affection. The guy who is trying to glorify God with my life, my words, and my heart – however imperfect and frail they may be – the best I know how.

Just a kid with a dream, my friends, just a kid with a dream.

Two sad cheers for mistaken identities.

This message has been approved by the real Frank Viola . . . a.k.a. Frankie V.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-pound potato sacks. Then try 50-pound potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (Our Blog Manager is at this level presently.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

Updated:

Mediography

Discography

A Minneapolis couple decided to travel to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room. He decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address. And without realizing his error, he sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from family and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor passed out. He looked at the computer which read: Continue Reading…

I happen to be 100% Italian.

Here’s an old Italian joke that I like. My fellow Pizons will appreciate it.

—

An old Italian man lived alone in upstate New York. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vinnie,

I’m pretty upset. It looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. The ground is just too hard. I know if you were here you would dig it for me. Oh well. Maybe in the future.

Love,

Papa

— Continue Reading…

This is the story of four Christians whose names were everybody, somebody, anybody, and nobody.

The house was in ruins and in need of renovation and repair. Everybody was asked to count the cost, deny themselves, put their hands to the plow and rebuild.

Everybody was asked to participate and do their part.

Everybody was sure that somebody would do it. Now anybody could have done it . . . but the person that ended up doing it was nobody.

Everybody then blamed somebody when nobody did what anybody could have done.

Then there was the need for someone to check on the progress of the rebuilding project. And somebody was asked. Continue Reading…

Back in April, I wrote a blog post exploring the identity of Paul’s thorn in the flesh.

The post was read by many and two New Testament scholars sent me private emails telling me that they found my interpretation to be “very reasonable.”

Sometime later, however, one of my readers took my entire thesis to task with a piece of incontrovertible evidence — an actual photograph that captures “the thorn.”

Apologies to Mr. Bob for wrongly assigning his identity to someone else.

Frank Viola is the browser heading for this blog post.

Don’t take out your heart medicine. This post isn’t about me.

I’ve always sought to be frank on this blog. But today, I’m not going to be Frank.

Instead, I’m going to set the record straight once and for all.

I’m not Frank Viola.

Well . . . I am, but I’m not the other Frankie V.

You know, Frank Viola, a.k.a, “Sweet Music,” the former major league baseball player.

We are related . . . somehow. Continue Reading…

Hi Fun Seekers,

A very good fun Friday to you, a very good fun Friday indeed.

Four years ago when I started this blog, I did something that’s never been done on the blogosphere before or since.

It’s called the $25,000 give-away.

Since this blog was just ranked in the top 10 out of all Christian blogs on the Web, we’re going to celebrate by relaunching that historic post.

So here it is again . . . read the original post below and be sure to click the link at the bottom for the instructions.

Continue Reading…

Hi Fun Seekers,

Today is another edition of fun Friday. And we are going to resurrect a previous innovation. It’s an exercise I created back in 2009 called The One Word Monologue.

Applause.

Whistling.

Summersaults.

Cartwheels.

Yes, girls and boys, today’s edition of Beyond Evangelical will feature our third . . . count them, 3rd . . . one word monologue.

Here’s how it works.

I give you a word. Then you comment on that word. Say whatever you wish about the word (so long as it comports with the Blog Manager’s rules, of course.) Continue Reading…