This blog post has been revised and expanded and it’s now part of a chapter in my book God’s Favorite Place on Earth.
Frank Viola | Beyond Evangelical
Official Blog of Author & Speaker Frank Viola. Digging below the surface and moving beyond the shallows in today's Christianity.
The Forgotten Beatitude: Part II
This is a very good article. Jesus demonstrated how we should relate to one another. He said turn the other cheek. Also, the Bible talks about whoa to whom the offense comes through.
The early church had power because they were unified. They were in one accord. Today more than ever the Body of Christ needs to be unified, to walk in love. The world needs to see a the love of Christ in us and through us. They see it not only in how we demonstrate that love to them but to each other. Yes, offenses will come. Yes, we need to be mature and follow a Godly manner of dealing with that offense. In Psalms it says that those who love His law will not be offended. Hmmm… something to chew on. I wanted to post something to say that we can also follow etiquette and manners. Love is not rude. To focus on building a unified Body of Christ and/or a Body of believers at your church, keep in mind that offenses tear down that unity we are trying to build.
I had an incident with a fellow believer who stepped on a boundary and so I confronted as gently as I could, they were hurt by my confrontation and began almost a year long slander campaign against me and even some blantant lies about me. They are still welcomed and loved in the body…the person refuses to allow me to express any hurts over all that was said and done to me. I am trying to work through reconcilation with God. The other person stated they said stuff motnhs ago so it doesn’t matter, even though it’s just now being exposed all that was said and done behind my back. I am offened. I am hurt. Trying to look over the offense…I have no trust left for them. I don’t want them cast out, but ….I have many feelings…help!
Thanks, Frank. I’d share this on Facebook, but I’m afraid it would come back to haunt me when people thought I’d posted it about them!
I have just offended a brother by correcting exactly what I now see I am doing. What a lesson in humility and grace!
Thanks so much for lighting a sometimes/often dark road we choose to go down in our limited wisdom, usually by our choice to be offended.
I really appreciate your signposts to the Real Jesus Christ.
Great post as usual. I just went through a situation where I left full time ministry from my home church. I was told several times that I was leaving out of an offense. I clearly explained that this was not true. Yes my feelings had been hurt many times but each time it was dealt directly with the person that hurt me. When the Lord told me that it was time to go I listened and follow his calling out. I am so glad I was able to deal with the past and current hurt feelings so that my soul would not be poisoned by prolonged offense. Thank you writing this post again.
I think Christians are the most easily offended people, myself included, is they don’t understand the love of God. Religion takes God away from people, it put’s Him all the way up there in the sky, so distant and unattainable and we aren’t taught the truth about the Heart of God, ie, how he feels about us and our brothers and sisters. Religion distorts the character of Jesus Christ. It makes God out to be self righteous and shiny. Jesus Christ is God, always has been, but if He turned up at church in a way that could be seen, he’ be the guy with no shoes on and His shirt untucked, and we wouldn’t recognise Him. He is actually the most accessible person in the Universe, and His heart is for all people, only we don’t know it. We are so side tracked with ‘doctrines’ and who is right and who is wrong, and consequently there is a complete lack of love and grace. Christians are fearful, as I am, but I am being healed, because religion has seperated them from the Love of God.
Every Christian who is easily offended (that I’ve met) is confident that God loves them. I’m not sure this is the main root. One can know God’s love and still be very tied up with themselves. So it seems to me.
p.s. I’d recommend “From Eternity to Here” . . . it has set many free who doubted God’s love, regardless of the reasons. http://https://www.frankviola.org/frometernitytohere/
Sigh… I think I will read this every day… so much to learn and grow in this area. Thanks Frank for sharing. Appreciate it
In our gatherings we talk often about how we as the people of God are ONE army against a common enemy. We should fight for and with each other against this common enemy. We should never view another believer as an enemy or position ourselves against a human being no matter what they do to us or how they hurt us. We fight not against flesh and blood. Being offended is really falling victim to the deception that another human being is our enemy. This distracts us from realizing our vulnerability to our true enemy. Easy to understand, difficult to practice.
It is a fine line between having a tender heart and being overly sensitive to others negative words/actions. The amount of concern we have regarding others opinions or offenses toward us can be kept to an appropriate level by avoiding immediate reactions; reflecting with God on the reasons and motives of others to gleen any truth for our own benefit; examining others’ context for needs they have that we can meet; and finally after concluding that we have no fault, letting it go. As far as serial offenders, sometimes it’s important to avoid a relationship that is not healthy if resolution seems out of reach. If a repeat offender cannot be avoided, seek wisdom in how this challenge is building a new strength and resolve within.
amen Frank, only the flesh gets offended.
Frank, I was writing on this before I realized that you did. So, I added some of your bullet points on my blog and pointed the readers here. Blessings and well done!
Thanks, bro. Good post you have there. Hopefully less people will be “heart-hurt” as a result of reading it.
Can one be offended by a person who is making the name of Christ look bad? I’m quite often in contact with libertine Christians who tell the world that they ARE Christians, yet they have the opposite of good fruit. They never did anything to me personally, but at times I may go home and weep and ask God to forgive them.
I suppose by “can” you mean is it justified. Reread how I’m using the word “offended” in the post to mean and not mean, and you’ll have your answer to your own question.
Frank, I really appreciate these practical posts that deal with real body issues in such a gracious way. May we all remember that none of us are perfect and we will all do things at times that are insensitive to others, often without even realizing it. As you have said, may we assume the best of others’ intentions, listen more for each others’ meaning than specific offensive words, and remember to respond to others as we would want them to respond to us.
As long as we the Church allow the enemy to divid us with this basic weapon we will not have unity. The goodnews is I keep hearing this message. It is part of my heart cry for His Bride but I got the sense He is really directing this now in a new way and it is part of what under girds unity. Unity will be part of what speaks of our testimony to the world. The world oes not know this at all. It stops them in their tracks when we defend each other and defend unity. It is a demonstration of His supernatural love in our lives. It shocks them when believers refuse to believe bad things about each other. It takes work but so does walking on water, you can not take your eyes of Jesus!
Love…is not easily provoked. 1 Cor 13:5
And for the record, I stink at this in and of myself. That’s why I liked EA Bussey’s comment above.
What an excellent material, Frank … God bless you. One thought from me – if we understand and know how much we mean to Jesus, it is not easy to get offended. When you are loved by the most high God, other opinions do not matter. God’s opinion of you is the one that matters.
One of the things I teach often in professional seminars is that “attitudes are not assigned, they are chosen. So choose well and take responsibility for your responses.”
Wow, this is great stuff. I have been learning this a lot in the 4 months I have been married.
Point #2 is so true!!! I have seen people I thought were super mature turn into five-year olds the moment they are offended.
And point #6 is one I realize more and more each day. You can’t help feeling hurt. But you can help what you do with that hurt.
Great stuff!
Great post. This is what I’ve been trying to say to some of my brothers and sisters in Christ for years! And lo, and behold, if you don’t step on my own toes with it, too!
Thanks for your thoughts.
Great Post! I needed to hear this. I tend to be over-sensitive. I am learning to take my hurt to God instead of making it a friend. Thanks again Frank for sharing with us! I am learning so much.
Excellent post. Living through offenses is painful yet incredibly refining. I’ve found that giving God all the hurt and lack of understanding is always the best remedy.
Often I have to envision actually placing the “feelings” in His Hands and saying, “Hold this please, it’s too heavy and I don’t want it.” He always handles the situation much better than I could, but the outcome is usually delayed. Seems that in learning not to take offense we also learn a great deal about patience.
“What you do with a hurt is a choice you make.”
The whole post could’ve almost been summed up in that one sentence. 🙂 Truth.
In building a structure the material must be load tested to ensure the quality of the material.Offenses are the christian equivalent of load tests in my opinion.
Offenses will come, and as you stated with the prior approval of Jesus. Our response is to recognize the test, and seek his grace and strength to withstand the issue properly.
The life of Joseph serves as a sterling example of what Paul stated in Romans 8.
Great topic Frank!