For those of you who are new to the blog, back in April I did a one-question survey for 20-somethings. We had over 250 people respond. You can check it out here.
The stories and testimonies were awesome. If you’re a 20-something who didn’t do the survey yet, go to the post (above) and answer the question.
That said, I received this email from a 30-something last week.
Frank, I’m one of the thirty somethings who is subscribed to your blog. It’s a life line for me and I can say it’s changed my life. Your books From Eternity to Here and Revise Us Again have really impacted me too and I have been set free from so much. I saw your survey for twenty somethings and wanted to know if you could do something like it for my age group. The problem is that I’ve been to many churches where I live and can’t seem to find people my age who are interested in talking about the Lord. They just want to talk about other stuff. I’m looking for people my age who are serious enough about the Lord to actually want to talk about him. I might be moving so it would great to hear from the other people who read your blog and your books who are in their thirties and where they live. It’s okay if you don’t want to do this but I thought I’d try.
I’ve decided to follow this person’s suggestion. Presently, this blog has over 570,000 viewings each month. And a large number of them are from Christians in their 30s.
Yet a very tiny percentage of you in that age group ever comment. And I’m quite sure that will be the case with this survey.
Nevertheless, we can give it the ole’ college try and see what turns up.
If you are reading this post and you are in your 30s, tell us the following in the comment section:
- Your first name.
- The city, state, and country where you live.
- Can you relate to this person’s comment at all?
- What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day?
Again, this is a question for 30-somethings only. Please don’t comment unless you’re in that age group.
Also, you don’t have to subscribe to the blog to comment. We want to hear from all Christians in their 30s.
Once the comments exceed 100, the Blog Manager is going to give away 5 prizes to some of you who comment. So after you comment, spread the word to your 30-something friends via Facebook, Twitter, and your blog (if you have a blog).
Click here to read the Most Popular Posts in order.
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Hi, My name is Brianna, 31. I live in Gahanna, Ohio, which is a suburb of Columbus. I do somewhat relate with the original comment. There are definitely more people I know who would rather talk of worldly things more so than the gloriousness of our Lord. What I find challenging to our age group (but it translates to all others as well) is the challenging the wordly (and religious) idea that we are to have a balance in our lives. Too often I hear our friends, especially those with young children, say they need to find a better balance to their lives so they can work, enjoy their children, be involved int heir lives and still have time for their marriage and ministry duties. It’s a backward way of thinking that we are trying to “fit all these things in” and try to achieve a balance. There is NO balance in living a life with Christ. He is everywhere and in everything. When it comes to responsibilities our thinking needs to shift from one of having a balanced to a glory filled mixture in our lives. This goes into another issue that piggybacks the balance issue to one of learning to rest in Christ. As 30 somethings, the world is constantly feeding our fleshly desire for achieving, accomplishing, and DOING. Instead of listening, hearing and resting in the grace and mercy Christ already accomplished we keep doing more to feed our 401K’s, building up our kingdom instead of resting in the Lord’s.
What are we teaching our Children?!
My name is Leigh and I’ve lived in Nashville, TN for two years, originally from the Chicago suburbs.
I have friends with whom I can have good discussions about faith but they have not always been found within the church I attend. Thankfully, my church here seems to invite such conversations.
As a single Christian, my greatest challenge has been knowing my “place” within Protestant churches, which tend to be family-centered. The Church doesn’t always know what to do with those of us (this inspired a recent blog post) who didn’t follow the plan to get married straight out of college. My leadership opportunities have been limited because of this, my singleness was a liability in a small group and at times even my attempts toward friendship with married people, and I’ve had to navigate countless sermons on marriage and parenting without ever hearing anything on singleness. My current church has been a breath of fresh air in comparison to my experiences the last decade or so but it is hard to overcome some of those scars.
Joe Hunter 33 Chapmansboro TN. I sort of relate to your comment, but have found plenty of wonderful relationships outside of traditional gatherings. I really could care less about trying to find someone in my age bracket to relate to as a christian. One of the problems that the western world has taught us is that we relate best to our own age group. What a terrible myth. If I had to think of a challenge in my christian walk it would be time management. We all go through different things at different stages in our life, it just so happens that right now we are expecting our 4th child soon and are in the process of moving. We are soo happy to have other brother and sisters that we call family to share this wonderful faith journey with. I hope you can find people too. Blessings
I’m Norah and I live in Cape Town South Africa. I absolutely agree with the original comment, I to have just recently found your books and they have started a change in my life and walk that is amazing.
Thanks for your work it is life changing and a gift.
The greatest challenge is that there is so much stuff to get in the way of the simplicity of His love and grace.
Aaron, 34, Greenville, NC, USA. I also identify with the statement in the post. The greatest challenge facing 30-somethings in respect to being a Christian I see is that we’re satisfied with shabby substitutes for the real thing. We’ve crafted perfect personas on Facebook, Twitter, and cool apps like Instagram, but we’re scared of real, raw, Christ-centered and faith challenging community. We say we want Jesus, but many (certainly not all) of us only want a fat-free, reduced calorie version of Him. If he gives us an emotional and spiritual high, if he keeps us safe, if he provides for our needs and most of our wants, then we’re cool with him. All of this (and more) has led many 30 something believers to compartmentalize life to the point that Jesus is a part of our life, but he is not our life (as Paul says He is in Col. 3).
While this picture seems bleak, many of us are now, in our 30′s, seeing how phony this is and are repenting for the spiritual shallowness of our 20′s. A big thanks to those like Frank for helping us to do so.
Justin, 38, Murray, KY, USA. Yes, at least insomuch as the rigidity inherent in much of the organized church makes difficult discussion that falls outside of the prescribed vision. I think western believers have allowed a subtle self-righteousness to not only creep into the church, but even to be celebrated. Much of it is simply affirming the perceived moral high road, as if Christ was primarily interested in our moral performance. It has been said that Christ came not to make bad men into good men, but to bring dead men back to life. Speaking with many western believers about Jesus in contexts other than improving one’s behavior seems to confuse them.
Since I only have a little over a month of my 30′s left and I will no longer be a “30 something” I think I better comment while I am still qualified
I am Jason. I live in Reno, Nevada. It would not hurt hurt my feelings if you survey us thirty-somethings or not, but I can relate with the impact your books, your blog and your preaching (or message giving or teaching or whatever language you like to use to describe events where you talk to people) have had on me. Your work always makes me want to know more about Jesus. Your passion for his bride is contagious and encourages me to fellowship with believers who are passionate for Jesus and for one another.
I don’t agree that there are not enough people willing to “talk about” the Lord. I know lot’s of people to speak with the Lord about, but I do not have a lot experience living the life of our Lord with community of people. I think we settle for a form of godliness, but deny ourselves and others the substance of His life expressed through us. I am restless and hungry for the quality of God’s life to be manifest in my relationships and in my fellowship with other believers. After spending twenty years meeting with people in the same building every Sunday, I am sad to admit that I don’t have many deep relationships. Really, I only see those people on Sunday. Something just does not seem right about this circumstance, so I have been asking the Jesus to help me be a better friend, brother and minister to those I fellowship with – both in the building and outside of the building.
The greatest single challenge about being a Christian for thirty somethings in our day? I don’t think we really know Jesus. Christ and his church seem to be missing. Indeed, either concealed or hiding. We know the bible; we know about worship; we know about service; etc., etc. I don’t know if we really know Jesus.
I think the reason why your work has such a huge impact on the lives of people like me is that you are helping to introduce or re-introduce us to Christ Jesus and you are helping us better understand who we are in Christ.
I’m Amanda, and I live in Lynchburg, Virginia (USA). I can definitely relate to the email from this reader, and couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m in the same boat! I’m in my early 30s, and I live in a small city with HUNDREDS of churches. There is no lack of Christianity in this town, but there is a painful lack of Christ. Praise God, I have been part of a small, organic home-based church for four years. We’ve read several of Frank’s books together as a body, and and have been able to cultivate a much deeper relationship with the Lord corporately as a result. As a single woman, though, I’ve been having to look into other, larger churches in the area for social connection beyond our tiny band of “organic” Christ-followers. It took months to even find a second (institutional) church to attend that wasn’t law-driven or just plain self-absorbed and self-obsessed. I’ve finally been able to settle down at a medium-sized church with little legalism and a great love for Christ and affection among the members. After all my visits to other churches, and even overhearing other brothers and sisters at restaurants and such, I get a general sense that there is so little depth of relationship with Christ among many, and that there is almost always an agenda of some sort, and that Jesus just simply isn’t the pure focus. I would LOVE to be able to find other 30-something Christians around here to connect with, and to talk about the Lord, and grow and enjoy this shared life together. I LONG for it. HE is what is most lacking, and I just want more!
We lived in Gladys, VA from January through August last year, and we couldn’t find others to join us. I even put an add in the Lynchburg newspaper but got no responses. Too bad we now live all the way over in Colby, KS… ;-D
Nathan from Wilmington DE – Of course I can relate
Biggest challenge at this point is sidestepping the culture wars and focusing on the person of Jesus in a community. I don’t want to pick sides or tradeoffs anymore. I want to establish Jesus as the core value as you did in your manifesto and then build a habitation for him with other likeminded people.
1. Aaron
2. DeKalb, IL
3. Yes, it is very difficult to find people who know how to talk about the Lord on a regular basis. I have the same problem.
4. The challenges are too many to list. One is simply a lack of people around us who are truly transformed and sold out for Christ. Not just in our generation but in previous ones as well, so there’s no examples to follow. They may have been passionate at some point, but now they are dead cogs in the machine of pew and pulpit church and have no interest in breaking free of it. There are some who are passionately zealous for a narrow minded view of scripture, which produces death, so that’s not an example to follow. Another challenge is the legacy of quenching the Holy Spirit, so that no one around me recognizes him or practically believes in him. Another is my own confusion about the many streams of Christianity and how I’m supposed to reconcile all of them, as I pray for unity. Another is the prevalence of sin and temptation and lack of selfless love which I see destroying marriages. I could go on…
Your first name: Charles
The city, state, and country where you live: Hilliard, OH, USA
Can you relate to this person’s comment at all: Not personally, but I do understand his comment.
What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day? Growing tired of the banter with everyone in the church world who thinks they have the “best way” [missional, incarnational, attractional, house, mega, discipleship, etc.] to reach out. Need to stop the arguing and keep Jesus central. It will take everyone and every kind of church to reach the nations.
A like-minded soul, indeed. “Beyond Evangelical” – the book – goes into this very problem in some detail. http://frankviola.org/evangelical.htm
1. Name: Pauline, 32
2. Location: near Brighton, UK
3. Can I relate?: yes and no; I’m currently staying at home raising a baby and I am very involved with daytime activities in my church be it small group, toddler group in the community etc and I have many opportunities to have deep discussions about God. I am lucky to be part of a church community full of genuine people determined to ‘do life together’ and so we work at developing honesty and openness with each other.
4. The greatest challenge that I see for 30-somethings (in the UK, I see from the other comments that it’s quite different in the US) is that life is too busy and tiring for there to be many opportunities to share with others. It is also to do with our own willingness to open ourselves and be vulnerable with each other. By your mid-30s you have lived long enough to have faced challenges and disappointments in your life, some will call it ‘baggage’ and it’s not always easy to share with others.
1 Chris
2. Poplar Bluff, MO USA
3. Yes, I do.
4. The church is filled with doctrine but empty of the gospel. Although we teach and train people for hours, yet they spend minutes incorporating Jesus’ teaching in their lives. I am an “empowered evangelical.” I find that many who believe that God can behave today like he did in the bible do not behave like they did in the bible. They want all the gooey cream filling, but none of the meat. This generation of empowered evangelicals will be those who claimed to have prophesied in His name and driven out demons, but are surprised when He doesn’t know them.
I’m Brad and I live in Springfield, MO in the USA.
I can definitely relate to this person’s comment. People are not interested in speaking about Jesus. They instead would rather talk about the problems of the world or what is going on with them.
The biggest problem with 30 something’s is that many are still playing video games or playing with their newest toys that they can’t find time to delve into Scripture. There really isn’t a relationship with Jesus, because they aren’t spending any time with Him. People can throw Scripture around for different scenarios, but their fruit doesn’t show Scripture working in them.
Romans 12 has helped me analyze my life and see if I am really being a living sacrifice.
1) Brandon Jones
2) Kommetijie (suburb), Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa (but I’m an American citizen)
3) Not really…but I’m an odd ball case. I work with a non-profit church planting/community development organization focused on discipling simple church movements in neglected communities SO I’m involved with a lot of people that really can’t ever stop talking about Jesus.
4) For us, it’s balancing praxis with the the doxis: action with knowledge. As in, how do we stop talking about justice/righteousness/etc and get off our butts and start doing it?
As I said though, I’m probably an oddball case.
My name is Otto Beich and I am from Atlanta, Il and work in Bloomington/Normal Il.
I can definitely identify with this person’s comment. Being out of the institutional church for the last 6 years it is very hard, i have a lot of friends that are christians that I know love the Lord but want to meet around a lot of things other than Jesus.
The most challenging thing for me at this age is the absence of groups that want to have men and women involved in body life. I have a lot of male friends that I get together with and am encouraged by, but our wives sit at home with the kids consistently. I’ve found men feel like it’s okay for their wives to sit home. I found that many of these very gifted women sit at home, and are admittedly feel a lack of purpose. I personally think that these sisters are needed, not just as our help meet, but are essential to the body of Christ. The other major barrier is since we have 4 kids if we do go somewhere besides institutional church there is no thought of child care so the sisters can be involved.
I noticed in your organic churches you and your co workers plant that sister’s are involved, and that is very encouraging and I feel needed in the body.
One other big challenge is unless a person has heard the audible voice of the Lord, been taken to heaven, had a dream or a vision or had an angelic visitation, their authority in spiritual things is questioned. The majority of streams in my area are heavily influenced by the prayer/prophetic movements, something that I am not gifted in. The focus of the movements are never questioned, because of the supernatural manifestations in which they were birthed.
First Name: Steve (age 33)
City/State/Country: Reinholds, PA // USA
Relate to Comment: Yes
Greatest Challenge: Being caught in the middle. As a new Christian, relative to my age, I feel that many of those who have been practicing and sharing their faith for a long time assume that I’ve been a Christian my whole life and don’t need the same spiritual support and growth. They’re very focused on bringing in new and younger people, sometimes I believe my age group gets lost in the shuffle.
What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day?
Cherylyn
37
Cochrane, AB, Canada
Not a ton.
Having grown up strict evangelical and now re-working some of the beliefs I always accepted at face value, ie homosexuals marrying, salvation of Catholics, role of social gospel, 6000 year creation. I feel like I have to start at the ground floor and rebuild and it is challenging.
Darla
Washington, DC
I don’t really relate with that person’s comment. I am grateful to be surrounded by believers that enjoy talking about their faith in a real way and OFTEN. Sometimes, I think we over think and over analyze things.
The greatest single challenge I face as a 30-something Christian is not something that I think is limited to my age group. What I most struggle with is being a Christian that does not identify as a conservative republican, of course living in DC does magnify this difference. It is like people think that being a Christian and being liberal are mutually exclusive, and I don’t think it is.
Peace
LaToya, Sandy Spring, MD, 37, married w/o kids
I am currently in ‘fulltime’ ministry in the instituitional church and my husband and I have felt like we don’t fit. There are so many things that we have seen that does not add up and we long for genuine deep connection with Christ and His Body. We do have some friends but we all are so busy that we hardly have time to catch up with ourselves. The greatest challenge inour area is definitely busyness.
Jeremy
Valley, Alabama USA
Age 30
I relate to it being hard to find 30 somethings that want to talk about the lord in a serious way. Many pay lip service but don’t have a clear understanding where they stand as far as doctrine or can discuss scripture indepth. The greatest challenge for me is being a conservative that is not a Calvinist. I find many of my fellow Arminians, Wesleyans, and Traditional Southern baptists are older than me and a slight generation gap exists. At the same time Reformed Christians and Emerging Movement progressives seem to speak languages I don’t understand. So I feel that I’m a person concerned about doctrine at a time where many aren’t concerned about it and those that are have different doctrine. Where we come together is often music I think many in our early 30′s and down that grew up in the Church may share alot of the same Praise Music and Contemporary Christian music so that may be a bridge. Plus all my age me included seem to have a passion for helping people espeically those hurt by the economy or natural disasters we want to make a difference in those areas.
My name is Tiffany. I’m 34, married with 2 children, and living in Ft. Worth Texas, USA. My husband and I are beginning to read “Pagan Christianity?”. I can relate to the comment that started this post.
Back when I was in college, the Lord introduced me to genuine fellowship with like-minded believers outside the walls of a church. We all loved Jesus while living in different stages in our walk with Him. That fellowship was loving, living, and Holy Spirit inspired.
After college, I looked for that fellowship in subsequent churches I attended with my husband. We were seen as odd balls, and people were just too busy with life to develop true relationships.
While being members of a church, discussions about Jesus had been relegated to church activities and favorite preachers/theologians. When we would try to discuss faith in Jesus vs. faith in our culture’s traditions, we would hear comments like: “right and wrong is relative”, “we can’t live holy all the time”, “it doesn’t take all that”, “that’s good for you”, “there are no perfect churches”, and “don’t be so heavenly minded that you’re no earthly good”. Just trying to relate to other believers became a great challenge. Naturally this caused us to withdraw from seeking fellowship in churches. However, the hunger for real Godly fellowship was and is still there. Now we also struggle with busyness and distractions with the cares of this world.
Some of my Christian friends from college are members of institutional churches and though they may not be fully satisfied there, they believe it’s right place to be. We still love each other, but we live in different locations and I have stood out more as a bit of an odd ball since I’ve been outside the institutional church.
1. Carrie
2. Hartselle, AL
3. Yes I can relate. My friendships from institutional church usually center around how our lives, financial status, and personalities coincide. We never turned our attention to the Lord together except in the huge arena. I wanted our friendships to enter into the spiritual ground, but in their minds, that belongs in church done by the professionals.
4. The biggest issue facing us: blind to what Christ is doing. What he CAN do and what He WILL do. Until I read Frank’s books, I thought all this church stuff was a way of biding my time until heaven. But now I see that there is so much more to being a Christian. Oddly enough when I try to tell people about it, they only give me blank stares or anger.
Stacy (38) from Minneapolis, MN
Finding the sweet spot of living with an attitude of grace for the world/fellow Christians, but holding myself and teaching my children to obey and follow Jesus and His Word without compromise.
Its a daily struggle but the Holy Spirit is a good teacher!
My name is Jeramie and I am 34 years old. I live in Savoy, Texas. I too relate to the concerns of the reader who suggested this survey.
As someone currently “employed” in ministry and struggling through many of the issues discussed in the ReChurch series of books (just finished “Reimagining Church” yesterday and started “From Eternity to Here” today), I have felt for a long time now that the reason people don’t want to talk about Jesus–whether they are in their 20s, 30′s, or even older–is because “church” has become something you go to, rather than something you are.
If we could get people to understand that Jesus built a house of living stones (1 Peter 2:5) and that we are the dwelling place of His Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:19-22), then they might be more willing to talk.
Keep up the great work, Frank!
Hey there.
Kristy
New York, NY, US
Can I relate? Yes and no. I’m pretty lucky to have a good community of believers here in the city, including many fellow 30-somethings. Although, as my peers increasingly marry off and have kids, I do see a tendency to *sometimes* pull away from active church involvement. Which I get – they’re busy, they’re exhausted, they’re distracted, it’s hard to get the kids into the city each Sunday. But their absence can create a void.
What is the greatest challenge we face, re: being a Christian today? Maybe the temptation to be upwardly mobile. I see an emphasis placed on excelling, getting to the top of our chosen fields, achieving positions of prominence & power…all usually couched in the idea that when we are at the top, then we can be culture-makers and impact the culture for Christ. And that motivation isn’t necessarily bad, but I think the unintended (and undesirable) side-effect is we tend to make positions of power (and those who hold them) into idols. We sacrifice relationships, community building, care for the poor, sometimes our own health in our pursuit of success and prominence.
My name is Renee and I live near Hudson, WI. Our family (hubby and a 7 year old daughter) left the institutional church two months ago. I admit I was scared because I thought I would be in the wilderness for at least a year or two and was torn because I know we are called to be part of a community and no new community was in sight. But I also knew I was not to stay.
In our world it seems like there are a lot of people we encounter that are too busy and are trying to “tack on some God” to their lives. The church we left was extremely busy and works were a big focus. I realized after we left and life became a reasonable pace again, I hadn’t heard personally from the Lord for at least six years. He has since lovingly corrected me twice-tough and teary but good.
The books have been huge to my walk as well. I love how they are laden with scripture. They’re not just ‘christian conversation or opinion’ type books.
A good thing that we learned along the way is that you can make time. It’s easy to say, “I don’t have time” when you really do have at least some. At the institutional church, we were spending 20+ hours a week with service and travel time. We lived for the schedule and our family deteriorated. It has been refreshing, exciting, and challenging to take responsibility for our own growing/learning more about the Lord instead of doing the passive sit-and-be-fed typical church experience out of legalism.
I scoured the web for info on organic church in my area and was fortunate to find some awesome Christ-filled, loving people in the St. Paul, MN area. At first I was too focused on finding organic church exactly as it is described in the books and was discouraged. But even in the last few months, there have been huge awesome changes. We travel an hour one way to the gatherings but it’s so worth it. And who knows what God will do in the future?! Relationships continue to grow and strengthen, God is changing our gatherings, people share, participation is all-around, needs are shared and met, it’s open to the Spirit, Christ is glorified…I’m just so thankful. God can change things so quickly and He is faithful!
Nick. 32. Southern Oregon.
Yes, I can relate.
What I see as the biggest problems are people trying to live the lie of the “American Dream” and individualism. By your 30′s, the picture society has painted for us is that you should now have a comfortable career, be happily married, and look and act like every other suburban soccer mom and dad. Coupled with that is a deep-rooted sense of pride in the forms of: look what “I” achieved, don’t invade “my” space, look how “successful” that person is, look at that fancy “position” that person just received. Unfortunately, the institutional church (and many of those in it) walk hand in hand with such ideals and practices.
Those of us who do not fit the molds prescribed by popularity; therefore, find quiet but real ostracism: “How dare we challenge the status quo”? “We’re just upset because things didn’t work out for us like they did others.” “We just didn’t work hard enough.” Similar labels of question carry over from the institutional church: “Who are you to question how we do church?” “You’re not fitting in with this assembly because you’re not getting involved in the only two or three ways we are willing to offer like most every other assembly.”
The institutional church is sometimes even worse than society at large with respect to non-conformists. A couple real-life examples I’ve seen from close friends and personally: “You’re not married (and never have been), we’re sorry but you can’t have any leadership role in this body.” “I know it’s not your gifting, but if you just served in the children’s ministry, you would feel more involved.” “You sat out in the foyer during a service, we’re going to have to have a discussion about with the senior pastor about your lack of submission to God-given authority.”
In summary, those of us who challenge tradition (societal or church-based) find ourselves on the sidelines of many of the relational outlets these institutions can offer. However, after trading in those pictures for real, substantive, interaction and fellowship that come with getting back to our real roots and finding people of like mind and heart, I can at least say for myself – there is no going back.
Nick,
I really relate to much of what you have written here. I live in Medford. My wife, daughter and I moved here just over a year ago. You mention at the end of your entry that you have been able to find people of “like mind and heart.” I think that has been one of my family’s biggest challenges. Would you be interested in getting together and talking some time? Shoot me an email if you are interested.
Thanks.
Justin
Shannon
Frisco, Texas, USA
Yes
As a mid-thirty single Christian woman; it’s hard to find a fit in with a church where motherhood and marriage are the highest callings for a woman; where it’s either oriented to those married or to those in the younger age group. I also see a challenge for our group to be inclusive of those differing opinions, political views,etc without alienating them and taking away their dignity but that is another discussion.
Abigail (33)(Chinese)
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Yes
The situation is same in Chines-speaking churches. If 20something is swimming on the lake, struggling learning to swim and looking for an identity, 30 something is the period of “reaching the shore”. Busy building families, taking care of our parents, earning money for children’s education fund, striving to excel in our career, all these things have rob our time from building true fellowship.
The 30s are always a missing group from an all-age church. If there are a bunch of 30s appearing in the church, they could have been together since college time and the church is usually young, less old folks.
I’m Sandy. A Canadian living in Brazil for almost 30 yrs, and I really felt like taking the time to leave a comment – I do relate to the inicial comment.
What I feel to be a big challenge today is to SIMPLIFY (all areas) LIFE. There’s too much on our plates. We’re too caught up with ourselves. This leaves us blind to those around us and we have become incapable of quickly connecting on a heart level with the people we get together with.
Having stopped going to church over 2 years ago, I have found that no one gets what we (my family) did but they don’t want to find out why (on a relational level and not just out of curiosity). Not a single person (not even a pastor or leader), from the church we had been members at and were actively involved in, came to talk with us about why we had left the church and stopped going altogether.
All our friends are Christians and take their faith seriously but are still VERY caught up in the system over here (for a change to begin here will take another 8 years, give or take). My question is are there like minded people around here? Where are they?
1. Doug
2. Indianapolis, IN, U.S.A.
3. I’ve certainly gotten a lot from reading your books (specifically the “rechurch” library) and your blog. I’ve found many young adults in the area who are serious about trying to follow Christ. Most of them still have a traditional church mindset, and most are involved in a middle class lifestyle which leaves a fairly small amount of time to learn a new paradigm about Christ and church. Of course most are resistant to change anyway, so any change to a more organic way of doing church is quite slow. So while they’re serious about following Christ and put time into Christians things, they haven’t received a deeper revelation of Christ.
4. For me personally, I’m trying to develop my own relationship with Christ. I feel like I don’t receive a lot from him. I don’t know if that’s something I need to grow in more myself or if it has to do with lack of a community that is experiencing the life of Christ together. I’ve received indication of each. I don’t know that this really has much to do with my age though.
For thirty-somethings in general, one thing which comes to mind is something I and others have touched on. I only have a few good friends who are in their thirties. Most of the people I see on a regular basis and do church with are in their 20s. The reason is that they are still single. Not that this is a new thing, but it seems that when people get married they seem to disappear to a large degree. This is especially true once they have kids. And it seems like most Christians in their 30s are married with kids. So I guess the challenge is that those with kids spend most of their time just taking care of basic life. On the other hand, churches often haven’t known what to do with people who are out of college but not married. This is even a bigger problem now considering that a majority of the population is not-married. I don’t know if I can say this is the biggest challenge about being a Christian, but it’s what came to mind. (One of my favorite books is called “Singled Out” and I reviewed it on my blog.)
1. April
2. Beaumont, TX
3. I can relate to an extent to the comment. I have been blessed to find a great church that has a younger congregation who are striving to follow Christ so there are more people who will talk about God now than I’ve ever dealt with before. In the past, however, it always seemed that I was one of the few.
4. I think the biggest thing that we face as 30-something’s today is exactly what that young man was talking about but in a larger relation to our lives on a whole. There are more and more 30-somethings who, even if they grew up in church, are either not following God altogether or are falling away due to many reasons. It’s very hard to be a Christian these days, especially around our peers. I personally tend to gravitate toward those who are older than me, which does help, but I also do have some 30-something friends and it’s not always easy to stand for what I believe in the middle of it all.
Mart-Marie, Stellenbosch, South Africa (36), Single
I don’t relate. I live in a beautiful believing community. Many of our conversations are about the Word, Jesus, God and how to grow in our faith. We are not connected to any specific church. My friends and community is my church.
One of the greatest challenges – I think – we as 30somethings face is religion and tradition. The whole ‘because that the way it’s always been done’ mentality. Slowly we start to break lose from the church institution, sometime without realising why. We don’t want to fit within the ‘church’ boundaries anymore but there isn’t a ‘new’ way yet. The most important thing is to a revelation about Jesus outside the church walls. We also struggle with the church (not within the walls, but the bride) who lost her voice in this world. Sin has become general – everything goes … the constant question in my heart is; where to draw the line.
1. Gunnar Falk, Portland Oregon, but possibly moving to TN.
2. I can relate a lot, although the experience has been seasonal to me. Do to it though, I am looking to relocate to Nashville.
3. I think our greatest challenge is being busy in life, and not seeing the big picture, or the Eternal Purpose…sometimes not seeing it at all…as 30 somethings. I also think a key question right now revolves around ‘things God has used vs. things He has made known are His best.’ I run into folks a lot, who, rightfully so, have seen things God has used, but when showed practices/traditions that may be more biblical, only rely on their experience, and not the word. (communion with a cup and juice vs. eating a meal with others, etc.)
1. Sarah
2. Pittsburgh, PA (USA)
3. Not so much because I have a wonderful little church full of people (mostly young adults) who want to talk about the Lord. I know not everyone has that, though, so I can feel for the person who emailed you.
4. I think the biggest problems I’ve run into in the 30-somethings I know are learning to live in community and combating doubt…the first speaks for itself, but by the second I mean that I’ve run into so many people who have turned to rationalizing something like faith that obviously can’t be rationalized. I could name 5 friends off the top of my head who are struggling with what to believe in the Bible. If one thing is allegory, what about another. If we quote one Scripture, but completely ignore the next, what does that say about our faith?
1. Loni
2. St. Louis, MO
3. Absolutely. I have great friends who have deep spiritual conversations, but most of them live back in Texas. The hardest part of moving to St. Louis has been that it’s hard to find people who talk freely about the Lord. It’s so much of my heart & so important to me that it’s frustrating. I’m a youth minister & it’s hard to recruit new youth leaders because I want my teens to learn from great & godly adults.
4. I think 20/30 somethings haven’t been mentored in our faith. We’ve grown up in a post-Christian society & haven’t really learned how to be Christian adults. The mantle of leadership in traditional churches isn’t being passed to our generation, so we’re in a delayed adolescence when it comes to spiritual leadership in the church.
Bridget
Raleigh, NC, USA
Can you relate to this person’s comment at all? I can relate to sometimes wanting to converse on a specific topic and not finding sympathetic or interested buddies for conversation. Upon further reflection, I sometimes find that means I was in the mood to lecture and no one was in the mood to listen. But it is rare I can’t find someone to genuinely talk to about Jesus, maybe because I don’t limit myself to talking to people in my own age group. My favorite conversations about the Lord are with much more seasoned believers who have lived through their thirties, and forties, and fifties and beyond. Often less prone to spouting off one side or another of whatever the latest controversy is, they are deep wells of wisdom and truth and experience. On the flip side, I also love talking to the teenagers around me who are just figuring out their own walks (or new believers of any vintage, really, on this front). And conversations with young kids, too – they are often unexpected sources of delightful insight or a new way of thinking about things.
What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day? I think we are often overly opinionated and exclusive. Convinced of our own wisdom, often well-informed and well-thought out opinions, we are looking for a group that agrees with us on all theological points we’ve decided are important, and we question the faith of anyone who disagrees with us about deep spiritual matters. We forget that before He died, Jesus prayed for us – for His followers who would come later – that we would be one, unified like He was with the Father. In our quest to be “right,” we abandon any hope of being “one.”
Wow, this is so true. We can be very one-eyed in our opinions and forget to see Christ in the other.. thanks for this.
My name is AmiLynne. I live in the San Fernando Valley in Woodland Hills, CA.
I am so grateful for this reader’s courage to pose this request – to be heard. I do relate to the post and have spent much time looking for a community of seekers that include people of my generation/age group.
The greatest challenge is finding a community which can support the changing framework of today’s 30-somethings. (this is not your father’s Christianity/Spirituality).
Spiritual education, fellowship and support are lacking in our greater communities. I wish to find greater meaning to the ritual of Sunday / Wednesday Church Services. I see so many going through the motions – the rituals and traditions – but they cannot even explain the meaning or purpose of those rituals when asked. I want my spiritual walk to mean something.
It also feels as if the burden/pressure of running a church is overshadowing the message of salvation and outreach. It was for this reason a year and a half ago I left my church. I now belong to an inspiring, teaching, supportive and ministering (small but growing) group of people who are seeking the same things I am. We meet weekly either at someone’s house or (lately) at a local park. Our goal is to simply “sit at the feet of Christ” – to be inspired and led as He would desire. We set aside 2 1/2 hours each Thursday and it is a truly inspired and blessed gathering.
But again, I am the youngest (by 10 – 15 years easily). I miss community with people my own age.
I would welcome the opportunity to participate and help organize activities for people of my age in the Los Angeles area – most specifically the San Fernando Valley. There is a need – we must simply follow the inspired direction and make it happen. . .
(feel free to contact me if we can work together on something!)
Erin
Lac La Biche, Alberta, Canada
In some ways I can relate, but I’m hesitant. What does he mean “talk about the Lord”? What’s “other stuff?” I’m in my thirties and single, and many young families want to talk family stuff, but it relate to the Lord. I’m single and want to talk social justice, but it doesn’t relate (or appear to relate) to the family thing. Most of all, I’m finding a lack of space to ask deep questions, probing questions, and to express doubt about overarching doctrines. If there’s really freedom in Christ, there’s little freedom to express skepticism. Yeah sure… I want to talk about the Lord, but I want to be able to do so without fear of rejection, exclusion, or branding.
What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day? —- To me, this question is difficult. Our world is far too complex to answer “what is the single most…?” to anything. What might be “the single most” to me won’t be “the single most” to the next person. So that being said, “one of the single most” challenges I’ve experienced is that believers are armed to the teeth with doctrine and theology, ready to respond to any threat. We not only don’t know how to listen to the other person, but we don’t ever desire to do so because we’re convinced we have the truth already. What can the other person offer us? We’re stuck before we begin… and hurting others by doing so.
If we pursued the desire to listen to others as ardently as our stands, how would we be changed?
Thx. Erin. The question about the greatest single challenge is a personal one. So it will be different from various people. Have you read my chapter on the 3 different spiritual/theological conversational styles in “Revise Us Again” by chance? It speaks directly to your comment about the greatest challenge. I think you will appreciate it and find it of help.
My name is Lana, I am 30 and I live in Rhode Island. I totally relate to this readers comment and I agree with most posts, that finding people others my age who want to really dive into the deeper aspects of Christ is so hard.
1. Jeremy
2. Metairie, LA, USA (just outside New Orleans)
3. Tremendously.
4. The single hardest part is finding other Christians with a deep desire for Jesus, without some sidetrack focus. It’s lonely out here in the desert!
More Louisiana friends!!! Let’s plan a Louisiana get together!!! Interested?
Thanks for this Frank. I’ve visited your blog via twitter more than any other site since I found it, and it has been a real God-send – you have been a real God-send for me personally. Thanks for all the effort and thought you put into this blog and all your other works.
1&2. I’m Pete, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada
3. I don’t so much relate to the reader’s situation of talking about Jesus, but I certainly relate to the issue of finding people to live out our faith in Jesus. I personally find many people who are willing to talk about Jesus, but when it comes time to follow, well, the workers are few, and that is disheartening to say the least.
4. I think the biggest struggle for our age group is the same for every generation of 30-somethings; By now we’ve been told who we should be and what we should do, rebelled in some way or another, taken ownership of our faith in Jesus, but now wondering if we’ve been faithful to Him and been living out His mission in our lives the way He would have us. Even within the Christian community there are such a range of ideas and approaches to reaching people with Christ and simply living as a faithful Christian. Questions like, “is this the right way?”, “am I doing this ‘by the book?’” always seem present, which makes it hard to pick a lane and drive in it. That to me is the biggest struggle.
Greg
Houston, TX, USA
Yes, somewhat until the past year or so. Have found/joined a local group of people gathering together organically around Christ.
The single greatest challenge I see is staying centered on Christ instead of good things about Jesus, etc.
Hello, my name is Tim. I’m a 39 yo married father of 3 who currently lives in Colby, KS in the USofA! I’ll apologize now, ‘cuz this will probably be long. Bear with me tho’…
Frustrated? yes! I was a professional pastor or Christian school teacher for most of my 20′s and 30′s. It was 2 years ago this week that my family walked away from professional ministry to seek fellowship through being the church everyday, not just meeting together on Sundays. Finding others to have spiritual conversation with hasn’t been hard, but finding others who have a relationship with Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit APART from institutional programs has been impossible.
We are currently in our third state and situation since leaving institutionalism. We started in NC, Bible Belt, “everyone is a Christian” and could have shallow conversation about spiritual things with lots of people. Tried to enter relationships with others who might try stuff outside the institution. It didn’t happen. Did meet some awesome people doing Organic stuff over half an hour away, but that wasn’t satisfying. No life together.
Moved to Virginia, Liberty UniversityVille, and again Bible Belt. Worked for a Mennonite farmer. Interesting stuff, yes, but again frustrated by “church-related” conversation. Couldn’t find others to meet with organically. Tried, but again, we were seen as strange.
Now here in Colby. We tried to re-enter the Christian realm to see if we could make an impact and find a few others willing to give this a try. We taught at a Christian school and were quickly reminded of why we left it all behind. Pastor-worship, building worship..ugh. But since I have a degree in Bible, and that is all I have ever done, it is hard to find a career without going back to school. We did find some people to give fellowship a try, but they really wouldn’t try when we met together. We ministered to them for a few months because they were seriously injured by the local institutions. They were outcasts and we loved on them as best we could. But it got pretty tiring always giving and never receiving. It was like being a professional pastor again.
We do have some friends here, but we avoid spiritual conversation. All they can talk about are programs and sermons. My wife and I stayed up until 1AM this morning talking and pleading with God to give us “Church”. It has been so lonely. We aren’t rich, so when we move, we go further into debt. But right now we are willing to go anywhere and do anything to find others who are willing to live life together as the church. We need to link up with others who are raising their kids in this also. Our kids need true spiritual relationships also.
So for 30 somethings, this is the biggest issue I see. After being awakened to the truth when your kids are hitting the teen years, finding fellowship is a MUST. We don’t have much time left with a child that is 14. It is an emergency, and if we don’t find it, I am afraid that our kids will walk away from this altogether, or return to institutionalism.
So anyone reading this that would like to be crazy and is willing to make finding this type of fellowship the main goal, contact me and we’ll join you! Any time, any place!
Thanks Frank!
1. Matthew
2. Middle Georgia, USA
3. I can relate to the comment.
4. In my opinion, the greatest challenge that I see for our age group is in living the Christian life in a meaningful way outside of the “Christian world” (i.e., church or ministry situations). It seems that many in our age group are becoming disillusioned with the normal way of doing church, but are not exactly sure of the alternative. There seems to be a lot of aimless wandering, as we do not know how to be the church in the world, we do not know how to engage others spiritually, and we do not know how to live in community with one another.
But maybe these are just my challenges.
Matthew, read Frank’s “Rechurch” set of books. they are the best on the subject of the church that I’ve come across, full of biblical support and practical examples http://www.reimaginingchurch.org is the site where I got my set.
Round Rock/ Austin TX USA
Found the comment relateable.
Biggest challenge is interfacing with other Christians, where honestly, I don’t know what’s at their root, their foundation.
It doesn’t (clearly) appear to be the Christ that’s described in Epic Jesus. It appears mixed, off, or simply nothing there.
Living peaceably in a land of confusion takes nothing short of the Lord Himself. These days, it appears that ‘less is more’ in terms of fellowship, where foundations are only so known, or set, in/as Christ.
Lowering expectations, is probably a tonic in general, but it must be reconciled with our high calling that the Lord reveals in Christ.
Being somewhat alone in an endeavor to pursue the Lord Himself (above the things that relate to Him) leaves one to not have a very full and balanced revelation of Christ, since the body is not there to add/refine revelation in an encouraging ways. So its accepting this, while petitioning the Lord not to stay this way.
Even this very challenge, though, to be on this track, is a result of abundant grace and revelation of Christ, so hopefully that speaks to the assuredness of our calling – which the Spirit keeps proving in Christ each and every day.
It’s already done in Him. That perspective can be such a balm from time to time.
And on the good days, I don’t have a challenge, I just have Christ.
The reason many dont leave comments is it isnt easy like face book. I dont want to leave my email name and web site every time so i just dont comment. Usually I’m on my phone and the format isn’t always so phone friendly.
Yes, I’m aware. That’s one reason. Another is that many (probably most) of my readers work during the day and so they just don’t have time to comment. They can only manage reading the posts.
I’m AJ, living in Barrie, Ontario, Canada.
Finding a church was a struggle for me, simply because I couldn’t find a church with many people my age. There seems to be a void of 30-somethings in church-world.
First name: Benjamin
City, State, and Country: Dallas, TX, USA
Can you relate to this person’s comment at all?: Yes, it is rare that I find a friend in their 30s who wants to talk deeply about what God in Christ is doing in the world by his Spirit.
What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day?: Distraction. From gadgets & games, TV & movies, to social media & trendy novels (not to mention work, school and family), we are often too busy to stop, breath, and listen.
1. Jme
2. Shreveport/Bossier City, LA
3. Yes
4. Challenge for my husband (also a 30 something) and I is finding people bold enough to admit and relate to the shortcomings of religion while lovingly holding to the teachings of Christ and the First Century pattern. We long for organic community and relationships. However, being from the Deep South/Bible Belt (originally from MS), it has been almost impossible. People are almost afraid to embrace the simple way. Thus, we are left to ourselves. When we hear of a new ministry claiming this ‘simple’ pattern, we attend and find it’s only another institution that changed geography, meeting time and name. We have friends oversees that relate, but no one local. We long to be a part of simple/house church…the community of believers in unity and like-mind. But until now, it’s been very challenging in this part of the U.S.
Hi! We are so close to you! We are in Monroe! We should get together! I know there have to be others out there too!!! Please email me if you want and we can make a plan!!!
Hi Marci! It was so good to read your reply… I would love to correspond and meet, but UNFORTUNATELY we just found out my husband is being transferred to Oklahoma City the end of the month! Job transfers are another glitch in our search for community! But my email is jmekharris@gmail.com and I would love to keep in touch! Thanks again for responding and I will be praying for your community
I’m Holly and I live in DeKalb, Illinois. I can relate to that person’s comment, but it’s not just with 30-somethings; we’ve noticed it with people of all ages. And these aren’t spiritually week or uninterested people, either. I’m not sure what the roadblock is to talking about spiritual things in a conversational setting. There is a delineation I’ve noticed – spiritual talk is for when “worship starts,” and “before” and “after” we go back to talking about anything else. (I’m using worship accomodatively, thus the quotes). My husband and I do have several friends (mostly in their 20s) who we do talk about spiritual things with when we are with them, but don’t see them often as they live over an hour away.
A great challenge I have noticed is self-sufficiency. We (in general) have everything we need and more, and “we earned it” so we don’t rely on God. Or when tough times come, we feel that we can handle it ourselves. We talk to friends, read blogs on whatever struggle we are having, and don’t turn to the greatest Source of Strength. I’ll confess that my prayer life is terrible.
Reading through the comments, everyone else has hit on so many struggles we 30 somethings face that I totally relate to. I completely agree with Bobby above that community is lacking, yet is so important.
I’m from a small town in Minnesota. I’d have to say that my close group of friends and I are in the same place spiritually speaking. We came out of a spiritually abusive situation a few years ago and have since delved into what a real, authentic Christian community should look like. We have all tried other organized institutions for worship, primarily for our kids’ sakes, and still see lots of bureaucracy and authoritarian structure (no surprise). So much so that, most of us are feeling pulled between having something to offer our kids for fellowship/friendship and just living out an honest example of Jesus to people today.
While my group of friends doesn’t lack for the spiritual conversation and connection between us, we wrestle with finding time and space and energy to invest in doing both examples of Christian community. (Again, mostly the pull of our children.)
1. David
2. Houston, Tx.
3. Yes
4. I feel so out of place. I wonder why there are so few around me who want to get beyond doing church. I kind of wonder what’s wrong with me. Most churches I have been to just don’t have many people my age. It’s as though my age bracket has gone AWOL. The older folks are hanging on to the good old days and those younger leave before they get involved. I sometimes wonder,why bother? Unity is nonexistent. Blame runs rampant. The cost seems too high. When I decided to follow after Christ, in my mind there was literally no turning back. I had to surrender. Where are those who are like minded? Who think beyond the status quo? I am searching for those who are looking to be the body of Christ in and around where I live. As seen here, people my age desiring all that is Christ and His Kingdom. My generation struggles with focus. We do want things to be different, but we have had to wrestle with so many petty issues growing up in our churches. It was my generation who moved beyond the hymnal, and paid dearly for it. It was my generation who started the seeker movement with all the entertainment style churches. It was my generation who have gotten tired of fighting about things that are irrelivant to the gospel message. Change has been our mark and whether or not I like it, I have to deal with it. We are tired of superficial Christianty. We who are posting desire the deeper, meatier things and are struggling to see and find it around us.
Jenni, 38
Pineville, LA
I understand the commenter’s frustration, and there was a time when I would have said a resounding “me too!” — but not so much now.
I think the challenge for 30-somethings (or actually for *any*-somethings) is to put in the time necessary to build relationships. Real ones. Vulnerable ones. It’s not going to be handed to us in church or in families or at work. It’s not always going to be pleasant… but the payoff is tremendous for those who push through. That means facing conflict instead of running from it, dealing with people instead of shunning them, and not always doing what’s best for us when we can choose instead to do what’s best for someone else. Be what you wish someone else would be for you.
We are from Monroe, not too far from you! I think we should plan a Louisiana get together!!! Email me if you think this is something you would consider doing!
My name is Bobby Auner. I am 32 years old and my family and I reside in Savannah, GA which is in the US. I can certainly relate to the person in the post. Finding other believers with a burning heart to know the living Christ is difficult. The biggest obstacle we face today is overcoming the individuistic mindset and becoming a community. What I have discovered is that even if you can find a handful of families that desire to seek the Lord together, geography is the biggest hindrance. It is difficult to share life together when we all live 20 minutes from one another. Work, family, and other things seem to take precedence over spending time with our brothers and sisters in Christ on a daily or regular basis.
My name is Allison and I’m 35 married with four children. I can not relate to this AT ALL! We live in Marietta,GA and are active members of Johnson Ferry Baptist Church. It is filled with people in their 30′s serving the Lord in short term misssions, and local missions. The focus is always centered around Christ. We are under the leadership of selfless pastors who actually practice what they preach! If you are moving to the Atlanta area, join us!
Your first name:
Luigi(age 37)
The city, state, and country where you live:
Panama City, Republic of Panama, Central America
Can you relate to this person’s comment at all:
In some ways
What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day:
I don’t know if there is only one great single challenge. There are many! I relate to Ben Daniell, the ‘Plate Juggler”. As many of my contemporaries I am married, with children (3 – all under 7) and working (as a High-school teacher and a freelance Graphic Designer). The combination of these ingredients can make life really interesting. So in the midst of all these tensions these are some of the questions I’ve brought before God many times:
Is this all Your will?
If it is, can we enjoy it and the people that come along?
Then my petition to God would be:
Enable me to see my family life and work as an opportunity to build relationships.
Open my eyes and ears to see and hear You in the people my age, in teenagers, in the elderly and specially in children and babies!
Life is hard and decisions complex. But the more I listen and surrender to God, I honestly find myself most of the time feeling blind and deaf. Anyone relate?
1. Fiona
)that do want to talk about the Lord and do want to urge women onto being champions of the the Faith, and there is a growing sense of unity and urging on, and of being really real. Flakey faith no longer. I am hugely encouraged! At the moment we meet monthly but keep in touch with many via social networking. And the best thing about it – outward looking ‘community’ is happening. Often I do not see community at work at all, and sometimes when I see Christian community it is established but shut to newcomers – inward looking. But this new ‘thing’ happening in my town is outward looking – not closed – open to all.
2. Central Point, Southern Oregon
3 and 4. yes and no. When we first moved here (we’re not Americans) we experienced culture shock on many, many levels. One thing that struck me with my peers in the thirties is on the surface it looks like a lot are very concerned with ‘keeping up with the Joneses’. The importance of my house, what I drive, what I wear, how my kids look etc. BUT after digging and reading and networking, I can now say with all honestly there is a bunch = a large bunch of women I know (there has to be men also – I’m just not in the habit of hanging out with them
My name is Amy and I live in Lancaster County, PA…farm fields of PA.
I can somewhat understand the trend that the writer states. Aside from Bible studies, it is difficult to get people to talk about the Lord. There are, however, very invested friends in my life that love to speak about Him. Are they in their 30′s? Nope. I’d say probably in their 40′s. I do feel like this is a generational thing. I see the high school, middle school and elementary students of our church in love with the Lord. It will be interesting to see how they continue on their spiritual journeys. But, we attend a church that inspires and encourages servitude at an early age.
Biggest challenge for me and others my age? I think it is definitely carving our the necessary time and making God a priority. It is about realizing that we can spend 5 minutes of quiet time with Him each day and that the time doesn’t have to be some complex thing…just talk to Him, read his word, etc.
Shannon
LA, Ca recently
yes, I can relate. most people don’t even understand the difference between the Lord and stuff about the Lord.
biggest challenge. friendship. people don’t have time for it. they busy their lives with other stuff. true friends are hard to come by.
Shannon — I just left LA 5 months ago and that was one of the reasons. People there (even the Christians) were so focused on having fun all the time that they didn’t know how to be in friendship relationships at all. It was disturbing that the older folks at church weren’t trying to teach the younger folks how to do this. So frustrating. I wish you luck and encouragement in finding others there!!!
OK, I’ll take you up on this (and improve the blog’s Alexa rating while I’m at it).
I’m also a long-time follower and first-time commenter.
Daniel.
Girona, Spain.
Yes, I can relate to the comment, but as a Christian in post-modern Europe, one learns to cope. You’re eventually happy to embrace and fellowship with any Christian, even if it’s to talk about soccer 95% of the time. I have no objection to talking about “stuff” as we can see it as part of our life as Kingdom citizens, and all too often when Christians I know talk FREELY about Christ, things end up turning into debates about eschatology, dispensationalism…or whatever. Disappointing.
My greatest challenge as a 30-something with two kids, in a nutshell, is the tightrope walk of telling my children (and all those around me)only what I truly believe to be true. Having grown up in a legalistic context where man-made standards received the same weight as God’s Word, it’s not always easy to sift through everything and not throw out the baby with the bathwater. The added pressure is the stigma from the older generation, who regard our quest for authentic, simple and core Christianity–for Christ, actually–as a pipe dream at best or an unbridled revolt at worst. But if we love God and truth above all, our greatest challenge is his greatest chance to shine. Love and peace to all.
My name is Craig Felker (31) and I live in an arts district in Paducah,, Ky. We’ve found that many people will talk about Jesus in our community, maybe since we’re in the bible belt, but they have a really skewed performance based view of themselves and who God really is. I’d say that identity is the biggest challenge in our community. Understanding God’s goodness and living with the understanding that we’re his sons and daughters completely redeemed and holy because of Jesus. In our community people look a themselves as “lowly sinners” and don’t see themselves as the Father does (the royal preisthood).. When he looks at us He sees his son. This keeps so many people from being truly free and walking in victory.
I am Jason, I am 36 and live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
The biggest challenge I see in that demographic is that those people now have careers, a marriage, younger children and they are still figuring out who they are.
So they need to really work through trap of being so self focused and busyness. Life is no longer about them and they are now having to really get used to that new reality. Some deal with that well, others don’t.
Sharing Jesus, to them, can be just another task on the Cart if they don’t have a clear understanding of their life’s purpose.
Dan, 32, Owensboro area of KY.
Yes, I can relate.
The greatest challenge for me is focus. I was raised in a traditional institutional church and spent 30 years learning to focus on all the things that I needed to do our not do for God. Still now there is part of me that still draws me to those thoughts.
Slowly I am learning to keep my life focused on Christ and all that He is. I am impatient but He chooses to reveal Himself on His time schedule not mine. Now I am daily seeing more of Him.
Your thoguhts echo my own. So true.
Brian (35)
Philadelphia, PA – the home of religious freedom
I’m in campus ministry. Most of my colleagues (and actually my colleagues are my friends) are about in their 30′s. There are a few that have reached the 40 mill(mile)stone and one or two that are staring the big 3-0 directly in the face. I guess the biggest challenge is not finding those serious about their faith but relating to them. Most of us are in full-time ministry, some have second jobs to support our ministries, many including myself have child(ren). I don’t have a whole lot of un-delegated time to build relationships.
My church has a large population in our 30′s. It’s funny when I joined over 10 years ago we were all in our 20′s. It has been interesting to see how the social life of the church has changed based on age. Due to employment, family and other time intensive endeavors, it is just hard for 30 something’s to maintain relationships and virtually impossible for us to develop new ones. I don’t have a lot of time to just sit around and talk about the Lord. And when I try to I usually get interrupted by my 7 yr old.
I think we need help with redefining what is possible for committed Christian relationships outside of families. Many of us remember those college “chums” fondly but can’t spend all night playing video games with our buddies waiting for the spontaneous worship session and/or theological exploratory conversation to breakout.
Joel
Lancaster PA USA
I can understand where he is coming from, but I am thankful to interact with a group of other 20 and 30 somethings who are pretty excited about pursuing the mission of God. We’ve got a lot to learn, but it is our passion.
The greatest single challenge that we face with respect to being a Christian in our day? Learning to love God and others, to make disciples of Jesus, without being co-opted by nationalistic or consumerist tendencies.
Joel you said you have friends who pursue the mission of God but that’s not the Lord himself. I know many people my age who can talk about evangelism all day, but evangelism and Jesus the person are two different things. have you read Frank’s book Jesus Manifesto? if not I highly recommend it and you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
1. Lynley
2. Cape Town, South Africa
3. Yes I can relate to the comment. We do have people who are serious about the Lord, but for us to meet outside of normal “church” is not so easy. and its difficult to find the like minded people here.
4. I think the greatest thing we sit with in christianity today is the lack of authenticity among the leaders. I am not saying its everywhere, but it is prevalent.
People my age and this age bracket are looking to find authenticity and genuine things. Its hard to believe the church (institutional) when there are so many discrepancies in it right now. At least we should be honest and say that life is not perfect in Christ, but it is fulfilling and have living examples of that.
1. Bill
2. Dallas, Tx USA
3. yes, I can relate. the Christians I know who are my age always seem to have a “thing”. You know, that “thing” they are fixed on. Usually related to the Lord but not the Lord. This is why I appreciate your blog, books and podcast. It always comes back to the Lord, it’s always about the Lord. My generation is starving for that.
4. Getting those of us who want more to find each other in person. Have you thought about doing a seminar or something for our age?
1. Bianca
2. Houston, Texas
3. Yes,I can releate and completely understand
4. There are several challenges I face..
a. can’t hardly find anyone who is willing to just ‘talk’ about the ‘deep’ let alone ‘go there’. So many are afraid
to just talk outside the lines of religion
b. I’m 37 and I look like I am 23. Christians feel the need to correct me often and in a very authoritive manner when I just talk about how radical grace is. I have been openly rebuked and embarressed and some people have cut me off
c. I can’t seem to find an assembly of people my age that would accept me. I always seem to have to bring something to the table like a “big gift’ that will add to the ministry
b. I find my best company with the elderly. I thought once I entered in my 30′s, I would feel more comfortable in my own skin. Now, I’m almost 40…thinking the same thing.
…oh, and it can seem quite lonely in my 30′s.
!. Joy
2. (decline to state), Ohio, USA
3. Yes, though I’ve found friendship in general to be challenging, too. It isn’t just about finding Christians my age who want to talk about deep things (I’ve had greater success connecting with like-minded individuals online for this than in person), it’s about finding people my age who want to build a true friendship, not just an acquaintance.
4. I’m not sure, honestly, what’s underneath people’s reluctance to connect at a deep level. Fear, perhaps? I live between idealism and cynicism, having been hurt terribly in the past and wanting to avoid that in the future. I”m still moving out of my desire to please people most and into the freedom to focus only on pleasing God. It’s a time of huge transition, in the midst of the hard work of raising children and maintaining a marriage that’s in its teens (we’ll be married 14 years this fall, and the marriages of many of my friends are falling apart right now). If I have anything in common with the rest my age, we’re overwhelmed and scarred and uncertain.
Hi.
1. My name is Ben, 37, with a wife and three children (all under 5).
2. I live near Cambridge, in the UK.
3. and 4. I can relate with the lead comment, but I also find myself being one of the ones who ends up talking about other “stuff” … hence my grouping of these points: I feel as if one of the greatest challenges of our age group is keeping all the plates in the air – life seems to be a big exercise in juggling most of the time. We (my wife and I) are usually either tired, or really tired, and it’s too easy to relax in front of the TV, or with a book, or on the internet, than to seat yourself before the Throne.
It shouldn’t be – but I’m just saying how it is for us and just about all our peers in the circles we move. There are kids to raise, work/careers to attend to, grandparents to include and accommodate, mortgages to pay, marriages to nurture, and a Kingdom and His righteousness to seek first – but these other things seem to push and shove their way to the head of the line and demand our attention at the cost of our relationship with the Lord.
So, to try and summarise – the greatest challenge for me is dealing with tiredness and lack of energy (and I’m in good health), and managing the juggling act.
1. Chris
2. Chicagoland
3. Re: finding people my age who are interested in talking about the Lord. I’m taking “talking about the Lord” to mean not evangelization (i.e., the good news) but simple, organic conversations that revolve any various aspect revolving around the faith. In that case, not really. Though there is a great suspicion about taken-for-granted assumptions when using God-talk among this crowd. In fact, I’d say skepticism is an entrenched 30-something trait, for good and ill. And I think one major offshoot of this is a very low threshold of tolerance for spiritualisms that have no meaningful correlation (i.e., driving practical action) to the world as it is.
4. As a married man, by far it’s fidelity. Oh, and not selling one’s soul for financial gain.
“. . . organic conversations that revolve around any various aspect of the faith.”
My name is Chris and I live in Huntington, WV USA. I absolutely relate. For me the single greatest challenge is just not feeling like I (or my wife) fit in. We feel out of place with the younger generation and we feel out of place with the older generation as well. This feels like it should be our “prime” as Christians but not fitting in makes it difficult to engage.
Your first name:
LIZ (age 33)
The city, state, and country where you live:
USA, VANDALIA, IL
Can you relate to this person’s comment at all:
ABSOLUTELY
What is the greatest single challenge that you and your 30-something friends face with respect to being a Christian in our day:
WELL, I DON’T HAVE MANY FRIENDS (the peril of befriending non-Christians, who repeatedly turn their back on you), BUT I WOULD SAY THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE I FACE RIGHT NOW IS LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN WHERE GOSSIP IS THE LIFEBLOOD OF THE COMMUNITY AND CHOOSING A GOOD CHURCH (which I still haven’t done yet) IS A DANGEROUS ENDEAVOR. ANOTHER STRUGGLE IS KNOWING THAT THE CURRENT DECLINE OF OUR COUNTRY AND OUR FUTURE (the kids) IS PARTLY THE FAULT OF MY GENERATION.
Sorry for the caps- I was trying to distinguish my answer from the questions, but it looks like I’m screaming
I am a first time commenter, but a long time follower
I’m Toni, 34, and I’m a Texan in exile in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA. I can identify very much with the person who wrote to you. Almost all of my deep spiritual friendships are with people 15+ years older than I.
Greatest single challenge to my age group? Probably busyness. Most 30′s are growing a family, career, etc and can too easily begin to worship those things simply by virtue of the fact that that’s where they are investing every waking minute. Unless a relationship with Christ is actively nurtured, it will always fall through the cracks and stagnate, because there will *always* be something else more urgent/important to do (guilty of this myself).
Hi Toni! We live in Monroe, LA! Not too far from you! We have some friends in the Baton Rouge area that are looking for other Christians to get to know. Would you mind contacting me so that I can put my friend in touch with you?