“There are six things the LORD hates – no, seven things he detests . . . a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”
~ Proverbs 6:16, 19
In this new series, I’m going to identify a number of common ways in which seeds of discord (dissension) are sown among sistren and brethren in Christ.
We’ll look at the first today and the rest this week.
The first is rather subtle so it broadsides many Christians when it takes place. This is how it works.
One of your friends . . . a Christian, perhaps even a member of your fellowship . . . says the following to you:
”You know, Jimmy doesn’t like you . . . I’m telling you this because I’m your friend.”
Or they may say something like:
“I probably shouldn’t say this, but I think you should know that Twila said such and such about you.”
Immediately, your defenses go up. You feel insulted. Hurt.
You suddently look at Jimmy and Twila, whom you’ve regarded as trusted friends, in a completely different light.
Your friend was doing you a favor by telling you these things . . . right?
Think again.
The problem is that in most cases where I’ve seen this play out, the person reporting on Jimmy’s feelings or Twila’s words isn’t telling you the truth.
Re-read that sentence.
Sometimes they are spinning. Other times they are flat-out lying.
The motive? It’s usually because they don’t like Jimmy or Twila and they want you to dislike them too.
Or maybe your friend is buddies with Jimmy or Twila and they are jealous that you are close to them also. So they want to sabotage the relationship.
Other times the motives aren’t so dark. Your friend has simply “read into” the words of Twila or Jimmy and thought the worst. And they are passing on to you what they assume Jimmy is feeling and what Twila may have meant.
Or . . . they heard someone else pass on to them what Twila or Jimmy allegedly said. So they are engaging in gossip.
The person hearing such reports . . . in this case you . . . usually believes it, never thinking to go to Jimmy or Twila privately and directly to ask, “I was told that you may have an issue or a concern with me. Is this true? Are we okay?”
Or even more boldly, “Someone told me that you said such and such . . . please be honest with me and let me know if you said this or something similar or if the person who gave me this report is bearing false witness.”
This direct approach will get things out on the table. If Twila or Jimmy did say whatever was reported to you, you can work it out with them. If they didn’t, well . . . your friend is sowing seeds of discord.
When this direct approach isn’t taken, however, dissension is sown and rifts occur.
Suddenly, there’s a rift between you and Jimmy . . . or you and Twila. . . and they haven’t the foggiest idea why. They can just feel distance from you.
All because of lies, spin, or misinterpretation on the part of one person . . . what the Bible calls a “whisperer” or a “troublemaker.”
“A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.” (Proverbs 16:28, ESV)
“A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.” (Proverbs 16:28, NLT)
So the next time someone comes to you bearing bad news of what someone allegedly said about you or what they allegedly think of you, there’s an excellent chance that they are sowing seeds of discord.
The antidote? Go to the person in question directly. It will reveal a great deal.
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
If your friend is sowing seeds of discord in your life, there’s a good chance that they are doing the same in the lives of others as well.
I needed this article!!!
I loved a juicy story,gossiping is one of sins I struggled with.
However once’s I excepted my calling into ministry I had to pray to God for the Holy Spirit to intervene and to block out folks
issues and struggles that they would tell me. I would say a little prayer after every session, Lord take that information out of my brain until I need for you will!
Also, I would like to know what do you do when you know that someone is actually saying wicked things behind someones back. Pretending to like them so they can get close to their husband,
Just pray about and leave alone like you new nothing at all. Smile and act like you don’t know!
In all things treat the person the way you want to be treated and follow the Lord’s directions on this. For most people who follow Jesus, they’d want someone to come to them directly and privately to verify if in fact they were saying these “wicked things.”
If they were, that’s the sin of slander. So correction is in order in a private and loving way. See my article on “How (Not) To Correct Another Christian” in the archives. My 13 cents.
and all this time I thought it was “brethren and cistern”
In my experience the most damage has been caused when the leaders of churches have engaged in this practice. “Somebody in the church brought this information about you to us.” It’s happened in every church I’ve been part if, either to me or somebody I was friends with. Each time I’ve tried to express to the leadership that the Scripture forbids this I’ve been told that its different for leaders. It makes me so sad and angry.
There has been so much of this in the last few months. It is sad to know so many Christians are remaining silent. Why aren’t we speaking out openly on this? No wonder young people are saying, “We like Jesus Christ but we don’t like your Christians.”
The Holy spirit is weeping and the devil is dancing.
Dear God help me to stop in my tracks and not spread any seeds of discord….for I have been guilty also!
“a dog that brings you a bone, will carry a bone”
My angle as always been, “where is their heart?”
I’ve seen this ruin my friendships… the ladies I am closest to often misrepresent each other and misunderstand each other.
I’m the ‘peacemaker’ and somehow have never been the one caught in these exchanges. When someone says so and so said or so and so this… I generally reply, “but we know her heart and I’m sure there is a reason.” It usually stops it there. And there is no reason for me to share this with so and so. That would just cause unnecessary pain and hurt feelings without the opportunity to deal face to face with the misunderstandings of each others heart.
Its not hard to tell, for me, when there is an underlying reason for sharing this type of news… but mostly, its that one person got hurt and is looking for a reason to justify their pain. Hurting people hurt people. I always direct myself and my friends back to the ‘heart’ so we can love each other without hurting each other.
In my short experience I believe this is the number one killer of unity. I agree with you on the antidote but add that this is so pervasive that when some one say’s “I probably shouldn’t say this, but” or begins a statement going in a similar direction I try to stop them and ask they think they shouldn’t share thus’n such and engage them in conversation about how and why our discussions about Oneanother should be charitable and edifying. I rarely talk about the subject brought up but discuss Who and Who’s we are and talk about why we act in this new way and express Jesus’ heart as he expresses in John 17.
This is a great response! A method I’ve come to use too. It works!
Great Post Frank! Thanks for sharing.
Great article!
I’m glad none of us has ever done that.
To the extent that I have, I ask the Lord’s forgiveness and pray that I didn’t cause too much damage.
What a bunch of gossips and troublemakers we can be.
It’s no wonder that He had to come and die for us.
_
Thanks for the great reminder that we need to knock it off, and tell others to do the same.