Early on in my Christian walk, I sought out those who were ahead of me in the Lord and made myself an apprentice, learning all I could from them.
In total, I’ve had about five spiritual mentors in my life.
In this post, I want to talk about two of them.
To keep their identities anonymous, we’ll call the first one David and the second one John.
The Story of David
David was one of the most gifted people I’ve ever met. He was a talented writer, speaker, and he had a keen mind littered with uncommon spiritual insight.
At one time, David was utterly sold out to his Lord and God used him mightily.
His ministry was powerful and those who received from him grew close to Jesus.
However, he had an inflated ego that never went to the cross, but only increased with his age. So much so, that he was threatened by anyone who was more or equally gifted as he was.
This created jealousy on his part toward others.
His insecurity and enormous ego prevented him from having peers who could speak into his life. Every attempted co-worker he had eventually broke ranks with him after they got a good look at his character. (All of them tried to talk to him about his character patterns, but their words weren’t heeded.)
To protect his self-image, David was deceptive and dishonest. And he would quickly trash anyone of whom he was jealous.
Sometimes he’d cloak the trashing under the guise of humor. Other times he was outright mean-spirited, yet he’d justify himself as being concerned for the person.
For this reason, David was never interested in my life. I couldn’t talk to him about my struggles and when I would ask him questions, he resented it.
Especially questions that challenged his presuppositions.
He was often short with me and others on the phone, having better things to do.
David was only interested in one thing: David and David’s ministry.
That said, he would use whomever was in his life — including their gifts and talents — to further his own ministry and bolster his legacy (something with which he was obsessed.)
At one time, David’s ministry was well known and looked upon favorably by the general body of Christ. Today, however — many years after I first met him — his ministry has dwindled to the point where few people even know who he is.
In addition, virtually every person who followed his ministry at one time has removed themselves from it.
Worse still, the anointing of God that was once upon David’s life left. I remember the year that “the glory departed” from him, after he was urged by the Lord in various ways to repent.
Regrettably, he refused to change.
Not long after, I ended my relationship with him.
When the anointing left him, he could repeat the same words, but the unction behind them was gone.
I wrote about the dilemma of mentors turning on their mentees here. What I wrote there can be applied to this situation as well as many others, I’m sure.
Enter now my other mentor . . . John.
The Story of John
John is a hidden vessel whom I met in my youth. He is the most knowledgeable man I’ve ever met. He’s a walking library.
But more, his spiritual insight and wisdom is without peer.
John has never written a book. He’s never spoken in a large conference and he has no online presence.
If I mentioned his real name, no one reading this would know who he is.
Yet John taught me a great deal about the Lord, the Scriptures, theology, and church history.
In fact, his knowledge and insight exceeds that of most seminary professors and those in the “guild” of New Testament scholars, even though John himself has never been to seminary.
For this reason, every seminary professor and theologian who has ever met him walked away astonished.
I’m grateful to have John in my life. He’s one of my closest friends till this day.
Unlike David, John is deeply humble. Even though I regard him as my mentor, he has always treated me as if we were co-equals and co-laborers.
In addition, John has always been genuinely interested in my life, my struggles, and my questions.
I could talk to him freely about anything without fear.
Sometimes when we talk, we will spend hours on the phone. And whenever we talk, he wants me to update him on my life and ministry.
He’s genuinely interested and supportive . . . as I am toward him.
John has helped me spiritually in tough times. And I’m privileged to know him.
Lessons
If you will mentor others, be sure the Lord has taken your ego, your insecurity, and your proclivity to be jealous of others to the cross. If not, you will harm the people you mentor.
On the flip side, if you’re looking for someone to mentor you, never select someone who attacks others, who elevates themselves and tears other people down. Instead, follow those who are broken, who are interested in you as a person, and who refuse to attack those who attack them.
The reason? You will eventually become like the person who is mentoring you.
See also 5 Reasons to Have a Mentor
Frank’s Podcasts
Imitate me as I imitate Christ.
Thanks for sharing this part of your life.
Through this post, I can see the importance of mentor in a christian’s life and the necessity in carefully chosing them as we may become like them in our character.
I hope to get many John into my life!
This article makes me think about my mentor ‘John’ and how we met. While I won’t go into detail regarding the situation and events surrounding that meeting, I will say, and gently advise to others, that when the heart connection between two people, for the sake of covenant relationship and discipleship/ mentoring, is God appointed, ordained and commissioned, both hearts will forge that bond without even trying. If one has to try to ‘make’ a relationship, it’s usually by the flesh and not by the Spirit. I’m not saying that these kinds of relationships don’t take work to keep them intact. I’m simply emphasizing the fact that one will know if God has indeed ordained that mentoring relationship to begin in the first place, and that’s by the Spirit.
And while my relationship with my mentor has been tried, tested and tested some more, there still lingers, and will always linger, the heart connection.
Excellent, excellent, excellent!!! I have had both types of mentors peppered throughout my journey…and I’m grateful for both. Your comments here made me think of something that came to mind this morning on the way to work. The topic of racism is everywhere this week…and knowing Christians who struggle with racism and those who do not…it all gets back to a heart issue…a love issue. Regardless of whether it’s our ego, our insecurities, our engrained prejudice…whatever our “issues” are…God’s desire is to conform us, make us Christ-like…and we can either surrender to that work that He wants to do in us, or we can resist. We all come with different baggage, but like you say…all of it can be taken to the cross and left there. Thanks for this insightful post Frank 🙂
Thanks for sharing. This is thought provoking.
You mentioned a little bit about what attracted you to David but did you only really come to know these things about him as you got to know him? His story is very sad but I believe not all that uncommon in the leadership world.
Do you know of Major Ian Thomas of Torchbearers? He did not directly mentor me but his ministry and style of ministry influenced me greatly. His wife invited me to their humble home (unassuming cabin in the woods) one day and that visit with them left a lasting imprint on my life. He was interested in the “peons” and enjoyed visits with “common” people. He lived and breathed Christ in the most modest of ways. A beautiful thing to behold and not enough men cut of that cloth today.
As always your post was honest and meaningful.
Didn’t know those things in the beginning. I give everyone the benefit the doubt (Matt. 7:12). And if there’s an issue or concern I have with someone, I go to them directly and see if the problem can be resolved (Jesus and Paul taught us to do this).
I never met Thomas, but I’m familiar with his work (love it) and have spoken in conferences with some of his co-workers.
As I was reading this post, I said to myself, “Experience has taught you great wisdom, Frank.” And when I finished reading, I thought, “It takes real love and sacrifice to write about such profound experiences in your life, both good and not so good, to tell all the world so that others in Christ may gain.” Thank you for your generosity, brother.
Great little article. I really like what you said about carefully choosing a mentor. The frustrations that come with someone who truly isn’t interested in your life aren’t worth the price to sit at their feet. Been there. 🙂
“If you will mentor others, be sure the Lord has taken your ego, your insecurity, and your proclivity to be jealous of others to the cross.”
You mention taking things to the Cross.Can you explain what you mean by this and how it helps?
Thanks
No time in a comment. I explain it in detail in this one with illustrations: https://www.frankviola.org/godsfavoriteplace
Excellent post. I suspect that anyone who has been a Christian for long can identify both Davids and Johns in thier lives. Well written and thought-provoking. It reminds me of the guy who said his next book would be entitled: “Humility, and How You Too Can Obtain It!”
Blessings to you and your ministry.
In Him,
BloggerBob
Hey Frank,
Thanks for this post. I am one of your blog subscribers who read your blogs daily but I admit I never commented so far… ooopppsss! I have to say though I treasure all your insights and today’s post touched me in a unique way because I have many JOHNs in my life until now but the few DAVIDs I know closely are almost exactly like you mentioned it here. My question is, ending your relationship is what is required in such a dilemma or should you talk to him upfront? Thanks and keep it up!
Henok: Myself and many others talked to him, corrected him, pleaded with him numerous times. Not just for the things that I mentioned in the post, but for other things that were more serious. Unfortunately, it fell on deaf ears.
Note that while the gifts and calling of God are unrevokable, the anointing can be taken away. Remember “Ichabod.” My motive in writing this story is to encourage my younger brethren and sistren to not make the same mistake on either end. So I’d like to keep the focus there. Thanks for your comment.