Understanding How Others Misunderstand You

One of the reasons why people have difficulty in relationships . . . be it marriages, friendships, business partnerships, and even church relationships . . . has to do with the different way we are wired and not understanding one another.

While this component isn’t the only reason for such difficulties, it’s one that’s often overlooked.

An important book on this topic is called Understanding How Others Misunderstand You: A Unique and Proven Plan for Strengthening Relationships published by Moody Press.

This book is based on something called the DISC assessment test.

Julie Champion and her husband Mark are good friends of mine. They are both devoted followers of Jesus. Julie is licensed to administer and analyze the DISC test for married couples, businesses, and churches to help them understand one another better.

I caught up with Julie to talk about what she does exactly and asked her how it can benefit married couples, business teams, and churches.

What exactly do you do? 

My educational background is in Counseling Psychology, but I discovered early on that I wanted my career to look different than the traditional individualized counseling roles I saw.

With the help of my husband, I started the Know You Project in 2012 as a way to help people understand more about who they are, how they are uniquely designed, and what next steps would be most appropriate for them. I work in both individual and group settings, using tools such as personality assessments (DISC, Myers Briggs), interest inventories (Strong/RIASEC), spiritual gift inventories, etc. to facilitate discussion and provide guidance.

How did you become interested in using these kinds of assessments? 

I’ve always been very people-oriented. The Lord made me that way. Even as an adolescent, I found myself fascinated by how people handled the same circumstance in different ways and how they responded to various situations. Much of this came out of my involvement in athletics.

I played several different sports and was a part of many teams, each with a different dynamic. I would pay attention to the roles people played. How the coach would elicit certain responses from the players. Who became upset about what. Leadership styles. Communication patterns. I learned a lot through these interactions. I also noticed how dynamics involving personality affected people socially, and with their families.

I knew I wanted to work closely with people, but I didn’t know exactly what that looked like. Through my journey, I developed an understanding for the many people who feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty involved in taking their next steps. So I love using the assessments as tools to help clear some of the fog and find options that wouldn’t be a good fit, in order to help guide people toward the best options for them. My favorite is when I see their eyes light up with understanding or an Aha moment where things begin to connect. 

How do you see this being beneficial for business owners? 

The type of work I do with the Know You Project is incredibly beneficial, both for business owners and members of a work team. For a group working together to accomplish goals, good communication and teamwork are essential. Leader who are willing to look at their tendencies, and their strength and growth areas will become more effective in relating to others. They will often be more aware of the dynamic they bring to their team and how to leverage that into increased efficiency.

Learning how people communicate is valuable for any person of business. Whether you are marketing, closing a deal, fundraising, networking, or directing, gaining a sense of different communication styles will bring confidence. It allows you to know more accurately how to approach your clients or coworkers. When you gain an idea of how that person gives and receives information, you have the ability to communicate with them in a way they can easily connect.

If leaders take their team through a workshop to understand the personalities and tendencies of its members, it facilitates important discussion. Team members feel valued and understood. They typically show a desire to commit their strength areas to the team vision, while working to improve their growth areas and not allow them to negatively effect the overall dynamic. I have seen and experienced incredible group cohesion and increased communication as a result of using these assessments in a business setting.

How do you see this being beneficial married couples and families? 

I am passionate about using these tools with married couples and families because of the great value I have seen them produce. My husband and I had each gone through one of the workshops I now facilitate before we knew each other and we discussed our results early on in our dating relationship. We give a lot of credit to that tool for how it helped us understand each other as we began dating. We are very different in how we process information, make decisions, and relate to people.

These difference have the potential to create misunderstanding and distance when we don’t agree. Yet, through the dialogue we have had and continue to use, we would both say that we are able to hear each other’s perspective, respect our differences, and generally move forward in a united way where we both feel met and heard. We understand that the Lord created us differently and that we complement each other, as opposed to trying to change each other to be more like how we think they should act. From my own personal experience, as well as seeing other marriages greatly enhanced, I love sharing this information with couples.

In a similar way, families can be beautifully enhanced by understanding each other in a fresh perspective. A family is a system. It is a unit. Each person is an integral part of that unit and his/her actions greatly affect how the system functions. The family will flow and thrive when each member feels understood and connected. Not many people have the same level of exposure to us than our family members, so forming habits of communicating well, extending grace, and celebrating strengths go a long way. These tools help develop those patterns.

I work with a lot of students and families, often around the question of what the student will do after graduating high school. This can easily be an overwhelming topic. Conversations between parent and student can, at times, become a source of frustration. I am generally able to come in, listen to each side objectively, and bridge the gap between some of the uncertain areas. I enjoy facilitating conversations between family members where they are able to understand each other in a fresh way. I’ve seen families gain a renewed sense of love, respect and appreciation through working with them.

The same can be said of a church family, living a shared life of community together. 

What goals do you have working in with your clients? 

My goals are to bring clarity, confidence, vision, and connection to the lives of those I serve. I love seeing a student no longer dread being asked, “What are you going to major in?”, a parent/child relationship enhanced, or a work team use tools we have discussed to communicate more effectively with each other. Taking time to understand ourselves and others helps us relate. It facilitates growth. It reminds us that we were created with a purpose and very unique design.

It is also important for me to point my clients outward. Focusing on ourselves for a time can be helpful. But we can’t live there. I always want to remind people that, by knowing my strengths and gifts, the greatest way to use that awareness is in giving them away. Pouring them out. How can I use my strengths to serve others? How can someone be encouraged by what I have been given to offer them? How can I rely on someone else’s strength in an area where I am growing and truly appreciate how we are different? These are the questions to lean into overtime. To experience a group of people connecting and functioning in their strengths, while celebrating their differences, is a remarkable and beautiful thing. 

If you’d like to learn more about Julie’s work with the Know You Project, please visit her website at www.knowyouproject.com or email her directly at Julie@clcg.co.