“You must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. You didn’t come to learn Christ that way. You were taught to put away your old self, to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor. In your anger do not sin. He who has been stealing must steal no longer but must work. Do not let any unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for the building up of others according to their needs. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ has forgiven you.”
~ Ephesians 4:17, 20–32, Paraphrased
Last week I wrote about what to do when other Christians hurt you.
One of the worst ways to react to hurt is to become bitter, for there are few things that are as toxic to the human spirit as bitterness.
Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to get sick.
It hurts you, not them.
In addition, bitterness not only consumes your mind and spirit, but it always ends up unwittingly destroying other people.
Because of bitterness, many Christians have shipwrecked their faith, deceiving themselves as well as others.
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
~ Hebrews 12:15, NIV
Bitterness will throttle your spiritual progress and open the door for God’s enemy to both use and abuse you.
If you are having trouble forgiving other people, try this practical exercise, which may help you to release and forgive them.
* On a sheet of paper, write the names of every person who has hurt you. Leave five spaces below each name.
* Underneath each name, write what they did to you. And consider: did they do it with malice in order to injure you or with good intentions?
* When you are finished, raise the paper up to the Lord and tell Him out loud that you are releasing these people into His hands, forgiving what they did to you.
* Burn the piece of paper and thank the Lord for His release while you watch it turn to ash.
* If what they did to you comes back into your mind, tell the Lord that those people are His and you have released them.
* Refuse to nurse the hurt, feed it, coddle it, and take it with you. Let it go, and let God handle it from now on.
If you missed it: What To Do When Other Christians Hurt You
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Hi Frank!
I really enjoy reading your posts. I also read the last one about what to do when other people hurt you! I think your content is inspiring. Have you ever had any challenges yourself as it seems you know what you are talking about!
Keep it up!
Indeed. And the things I’ve shared here (and in my books) have helped me in those areas in real life.
I have been reading your blog for the past 4 years, and this is my first time commenting on it.
You have no idea what I’m going through, but family issues have come up and there is a lot of bitterness growing in us, and the majority are Christ followers. Me and my wife are following The Lord while everyone else has, like you said, shipwrecked in their faith. It’s hard to forgive them but we will keep pressing into the kingdom and showing His grace to them as it was shown to us. Thank you for writing on this subject. We will try the excersize soon.
I loved this post. Question for you, if what they did was malicious toward you and you do forgive them, do you make an attempt for reconciliation? I have two individuals that have hurt me deeply and both did it intentionally. I have (I think) forgiven and moved on, but I avoid them at all costs. I do it for two reasons: 1) I don’t want to bring back old hurts and pains in my life and 2) I don’t want to get distracted from the things God is calling me to do today. What would you advice?
Mike, I’m sorry to hear this. Get on my periodical update list if you aren’t on it already. In the next update, I’m going to address a topic that very much applies – June 1st or 2nd. It may help. https://www.frankviola.org/updates
Looking forward to the next update. The topic of bitterness hit home this week. Literally. Thanks for the encouragement.