Several months ago, I was sitting in the lobby of a business waiting for an appointment. I could hear a conversation going on in another room between two women. They had no idea I could hear them, but the door was open, and they weren’t whispering.
From the sound of their voices and their vocabulary, I presume both women were in their mid-twenties. During the conversation, one of the women were talking about a friend of hers. She was clearly distraught. The conversation went like this, “Yeah, she stabbed me in the back. I couldn’t believe the things she was saying about me. And she’s one of those Christians. They are so two-faced.”
The other woman responded, “I know what you mean! I’ve had the same experience. And they are the ones who think they are so righteous, judging everyone else for what they’re doing wrong.” The other woman replied, “I know, right?”
Around the same time, a young man in his late twenties was sharing about how he gave his life to the Lord in his teens at a youth group. He was involved in the group for a time, only to leave it when one of his “Christian” friends in the group trashed him with lies behind his back to the others in the group.
When word got back to him, the young man was devastated. He not only left the group, but he stopped following the Lord. He didn’t want to be part of a faith where such vile behavior went on and no one stood against it.
I’m friends with a man in his mid-sixties. He’s not a follower of Jesus, but he’s more upright, kind, generous, selfless, and encouraging than most “Christians” I’ve met. He used to attend church in his youth, but quickly left. The reason – all the gossiping, backstabbing, and defaming by “two-faced Christians” he observed.
I wish I could tell you that these three incidences were exceptions. They’re not. Not by a long shot. This business of Christians gossiping, backstabbing, slandering, and defaming other Christians happens frequently, even by those who are perceived to be Christian leaders.
The motive behind it is usually jealousy. Sometimes it’s vengeance due to an offense taken. Other times it’s the desire to control someone who refuses to be controlled. The fleshly default is to defame them.
“When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.”
~ Dumitru D. Coman
This problem is so pandemic that the mantra of modern-day Christianity can be: “Join the family of God. But be forewarned: You’ll be spending a lot of time removing knifes from your back, knives plunged there by fellow Christians!”
That’s all prologue to a direct challenge.
We are living in an hour where God is raising up a tribe of His people who will stand against the tide of this sort of reprehensible behavior. Those who refuse to give an ear to the gossiping tongue … who refuse to demean and degrade others … who refuse to let jealousy and envy enter their hearts … who have chosen to never speak ill of anyone or abide those who do.
When the Scripture talks about the righteous shining like the sun, I believe these are the kinds of souls it’s speaking about (Matthew 13:43).
I invite you to be part of that number.
Tozer’s words are fitting:
“Never pass anything on about anybody else that will hurt him … The talebearer has no place in God’s favor.”
Oh, in case you were wondering, this article has everything to do with the advance of the kingdom of God.
You can read more about this subject in the audios and articles below:
7 Ways to Destroy a Friendship
Frankly Speaking: “I Don’t Like Christians” & Why Christianity is a Joke to Countless People Today
Warning: The World is Watching How We Christians Treat Each Other
Rick Warren’s Horrific Tragedy & The Sickening Response of Some “Christians”
Have You Heard? The Plague of Gossip and Slander in the Body of Christ
10 Years After Pagan Christianity – Looking Back
My response to someone does this is “Have you gone and talked to this person as our Lord has commanded us?” 9 times out of 10 they haven’t to which my reply is “don’t talked to me about it unless you have, otherwise it’s gossip”. This shuts it down almost every times. If it doesn’t I just interrupt them saying I don’t want to hear it you need to obey the Lord and go to this person. Christians need to help each other, discipline each other, hold one another accountable, and in the process encourage one another to follow Jesus.
True, but believe it or not, some people lie and say they have talked to the individual when they haven’t. That’s why it’s important for a person who hears gossip to go to the person being gossiped about and ask them to respond to whatever is being said. I discuss this in “Gutless Wonders” – link below.
This is soooo true!! Pretty much all of my scars come from people who claimed to be Christian….most of those I share DNA with as well. Thankfully God has not allowed me to walk away from him because of what people do. Even when I walked away from traditional church for a decade I still sought after him…maybe even more so. I’m now back in a traditional church and God is teaching us about love for one another. We still have a long ways to go but I’m determined not to take offense and work hard at not being offensive with my new church family. Sometimes it means removing myself from certain situations in order to keep my resolve not to be offended by someone. At others it means apologizing for my behavior or my bad example. Still other times its thanking someone for noticing an attitude I needed to change that I thought went unnoticed. I’ve learned that staying humble is one of the keys to accomplishing this. Pride will keep you from apologizing and put negative thoughts in your heart about others that you eventually act on. I am unfinished but I’m working hard towards maturity. I see God working on his people to bring them together in love so they can really be an example to the world of how much God loves them. We cannot be a good witness if we can’t love with another!!
Sir, You have spoken the truth.
Frank from my experience of the institutional church stretching over 5 decades, I’ve found that if you were going to be put down or stabbed in the back it was going to be be a member of a church group.
So much so I found more of God’s character within the many non believers I have had the privilege to minister to during this time. A Christian author and Psychologist who unfortunately I cant recall their name helped me make sense of this upside and inside out behaviour.
Simply if a person was raised in a loving functional family they would reflect much of God’s character even if they didn’t believe. Conversely raised in a dysfunctional family often meant you would receive poor behaviour even though they were converted. Conversion didn’t mean the older was put away and the battle for the mind lost. The key from experience is seek after a close relationship with Christ and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glorious grace.
Actually, what I’ve described is just as prevalent – and perhaps more prevalent – among “Christians” who are outside the institutional church. Including “leaders.” It’s not something that’s only seen in people who attend traditional churches.
In addition, I don’t think it can be pinned on one’s family upbringing. I’ve known believers who had wonderful family dynamics, and they turned out quite selfish and carnal. And on the other hand, I’ve known believers who were brought up in extremely dysfunctional homes, and they are some of the most Christlike believers you’ll ever meet.
I will agree with you on this point. That in my observation and personal experience, there’s less of this evil speaking, back-stabbing, and gossipping among non believers. The exception is if you’re involved in politics or a competitive career.
What encourages me about this, however, is that God is raising up a people who walk against the tide in this area. And I’m happy to play my part of calling that group to higher ground.
Some people seem to be constantly looking for flaws in other people that enable them to pat themselves on the back and feel superior. My seventh grade history teacher often said, “There is nothing in this world that is so perfect that a person with an evil mind cannot find something wrong with it, either real or imaginary.”
John 3:19 says, “And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil.” Putting these thoughts together I can only suggest that there are many people who think they are Christians who are trusting in something they did or said and not in the atoning blood of Christ, i.e.,the grace of God.
Good point about fault-finders. However, many of the people who engage in this kind of behavior are very clear on the blood of Christ to forgive, grace, and salvation. Some of them even preach it quite clearly.
I think our tendency is to say to ourselves, “Oh, he’s talking about cultural “Christians” — when the reality is, I’m not. One of the insidious parts of this subject is that when someone does speak evil of another, it’s very often not recognized by God’s people. It’s usually couched in some excuse, or justification, or pious rhetoric. Either that, or it’s framed as a joke. So the knife gets twisted quickly amid laughter. But the effect is the same. Someone has been sullied in our eyes.
The Kingdom of God would certainly be advanced if all God’s people would only adhere to the Golden Rule. If we could just look for Jesus in each other and treat each other as He would, wouldn’t that be nice? Instead it seems more people are finding more things to hate about each other everyday, and more outlets to display it.
The devil is having his way in so many new arenas. Ahhh, but his time is shorter and shorter, and for those who have read through to the end of the story, we know who wins. It’s our job to bridle our tongues and pray to see clearly what the world cannot see; past all the political situations and media available for everyone’s perusal. We want our spiritual eyes to stay open and not get caught up in anything that we wouldn’t want Jesus to see or hear if He actually came for us today. Even so, He knows everything about everyone.
Wow! That really spoke to me. Thank you for sharing that Frank. I needed to read that this afternoon. I’ve been stabbed in the back by christians. But I’ve also stabbed others in the back too. I’d be lying if I said otherwise I want to be a man who does not gossip nor backstabs.
So good! Thank You for calling out and calling up! Jesus is worthy of such a church.
I totally agree with your perspective, Frank. And, I totally agree that Christians should be different from the world. The subject matter here actually boils down to simple hatred. We should not hate with our words – or our actions. But, when we think about these things, if we want a truly objective perspective on reality, we need to bear in mind that our accusers are no different from those they accuse. This is in no way an excuse for us. But, the world is incredibly vicious! It is not only the way the world treats Christians, but how they treat EVERYONE. Given the opportunity, they tear to pieces politicians, celebrities, their neighbors, the driver in the next lane, their “friends” on social media – just anyone. The world is a modern-day macrocosm of the Roman Colosseum – given any opportunity, people are “thrown to the lions”, and the world loves it. An equivalent statement to “We should not hate.” is “We should not be like those who hate us.” Also: If we are looking for a true evaluation of ourselves, the world is not the go to expert on authentic spirituality – our God is.
Amen, Frank!
Isaiah 58 gives us a clear pattern for what the Kingdom life looks like. And in verse 8-9 the prophet proclaims that the Almighty will answer us when we call IF “we get rid of the yoke among us, the finger pointing, and the unrighteousness speech”.
Let’s each focus on allowing the Spirit to clean us up personally, so that we walk as Ambassadors of Messiah, shining examples of what true Kingdom citizens look like. That’s our proper witness to the world, and how we are to disciple other Believers who haven’t walked that path of sanctification as fully yet.
Lift others up! What good fruit is there in speaking ill of them? It only demonstrates that we are not permiting Messiah to complete us, and so need to defame others to feel good about ourselves!
Frank,
I love receiving your emails. They always contain nuggets of gold! Your observations of the “christian” culture are filled with inspired thought. Just wanted you to know I’m out here listening and learning.
I am a listener and a learner also. Thanks so much, Frank.
My comment on this is best summed up with a single word.
Ay-yep! (Not from New England, but that’s how I would have said it.)
I made my commitment to Jesus at a relatively late age, and I bless God that He put in my path people who were not the two-faced types that you describe, but were loving, kind and filled with grace. Also, that He gave me wisdom to (a) spot the two-faced types and (b) recognize how toxic that attitude can be and always check my own thoughts, words and actions.
The world holds us to a higher standard: we have to do the same.