1. “the computer is down.”
2. “the check is in the mail.”
3. “It won’t hurt.”
4. “you won’t get pregnant.”
5. “I’ll respect you in the morning” [footnote to #4]. (credit to Len Sweet who chimed in)
6. “I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you.” (credit to Len Sweet who chimed in)
Feel free to add to the list . . .
McManus Interview
The most common lie is told at church: “How are you doing?”
The lie: “Fine.”
“It’s not a tax.”
My antenna quit working since you did the oil change.
No, really, I didn’t read your email, God told me …
I know exactly how you feel.
I’ve lost a baby, too.
I miscarried…
It’ll get better with time.
I’m here for you whenever you need me.
We just wanted you to know we care
I’ve been trying really hard to find work!
I’ve applied everywhere!
I’m a dedicated employee
My dog wasn’t roaming the neighborhood. I never let him out of the fence!
You never pick up behind yourself!
You won’t even notice in ten years.
It will leave a small scar.
This procedure will improve your quality of life.
Its not my fault!
It won’t hurt so much in a few years.
I didn’t do anything wrong!
I’ll do it later.
There was nothing we could do.
Milk will make your bones stronger.
We need meat.
Sugar causes diabetes (its actually excess fat in the blood)
I’ll be right back.
Just hold on a minute.
Give me a second.
I’m never on Facebook.
I didn’t see the message.
Facebook/Gmail/Twitter/etc never sent my reply!
I missed your email by accident.
I’m busy that day.
This will only hurt a little (doctor)
There are a few side-effects
Take this medication it will cure your problem.
The Lord wants to heal every single person.
The Lord wants to bless every person (with riches, happiness)
God just wants me to be happy.
I don’t like him/her.
I’m not interested in dating right now.
I don’t like any boys/girls right now.
It will only take a few minutes.
Can you fill out this survey? It will take you two minutes.
I’ll be right back with that (10 minutes later….)
Fast service, hot food.
I just don’t want to argue.
We have the best service!
We just want to see you smile!
I’m not judging you.
Don’t judge me (its an excuse, that counts as a lie, right?)
I wasn’t staring!
I never said that!
I didn’t mean to hurt you.
I’m sorry that hurt you (not a real apology).
I’m sorry.
I didn’t yell!
I just get excited in a debate. I wasn’t attacking you.
I couldn’t get to the phone in time.
I was busy when you called.
We’re just friends.
I have plans that day.
God told me ________
God doesn’t ever ask us to wait.
I’m not sinning by having premartial sex, I am comitted to the person so my priest/pastor needs to stop calling me a sinner!
I wasn’t accusing you…
Yeah, I read it. Its great!
I know exactly what you are talking about.
You look great!
You’re not fat!
You are so skinny!
I think the list could go on forever…
I’m a good person.
I missed your call.
So i did not return it.
“Your email somehow ended up in my spam folder.”
Easy monthly Payments
I don’t remember saying that.
We love them like our own kids.
It’s for their own good.
I wish he would repent of his sin…I love him like a son…but I am not the Holy Spirit I cannot say what his sin is. (Somehow this justifies not telling me my sin but allows them to tell EVERYONE ELSE that I am in sin and that I need to repent implying that they are soo noble they “just wish I would repent” but can say what of!)
He is being tossed too and fro by every wind of doctrine; when in reality they are too scared of a lion being in the street…and so they won’t venture from their house/box (religion/Nicolaitanism). Prvb. 22:13 (The Lord told me this one)
I didn’t say that. He misunderstood me his Greek is not that good. (Except that my Greek wife heard it too and said that I spoke and heard just fine.) As the Holy Spirit said “Cretans are always liars”.
I am sorry you are hurt. Rather than I am sorry I hurt you. Then proceeds to tell everyone you are not willing to forgive them. (non-apology apology)
You are a heretic! No I accept you as my brother; it’s you who have rejected me. It’s you who insist I submit to your religion rather then lets seek Jesus together (unity). – Division is a work of the flesh Ga. 5
When there is a disagreement – “It takes two”. Implying that both are always wrong.
“You will not certainly die. For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
#7. I’ll be praying for you/that.
There is no God.
Wisdom and Science will save us.
Lustful man to woman- I just want to be your friend
I am so happy for you.
I would do anything for …..
I just want …
I understand completely.
I’m not going anywhere.
Just a little discomfort.
I love you.
This works.
“If you give your “tithe” to this “church”, Than Scripture tells us that God will bless you with more money”
“senior/lead pastor”—–“my job is to equip the saints” and “ALL that matters is that we ‘reach people’ “
Yes, I have read and accept the User Agreement.
“Just between you and me”
I’m on the way…
“Lord I give you my all”
“well teacher…..the dog ate my homework!” (which actually DID happen to a friend of mine in HS..boy, did we have a ball with that one!)
Sure, Mom, I’ll go work in the vineyard….
Yes, my schoolwork/chores/paper route is done.
So and so did it.
Not me.
I don’t know.
That didn’t hurt.
I’m sorry.
It was just a joke.
It was already like that when I saw it.
(Can you tell I have a lot of kids?)
Sure, I’d love to watch your kids so you can have a night out…
We’re from the Mormon church and we’d like to share with you God’s Eternal plan for your life…(I’ve actually been a part of this Church)
I have heard lots of lies from christians…”The Lord said _____” In Jer. 5:31,14:14-16,19:14 & 23:16 the Lord spoke about those who prophesy in His name when He did not send them.
“I’m okay, thanks.”
It’s genetic.
– I didn’t do it (altho caught in the act)
– I got it especially for you! (but it’s a re-wrapped gift …)
– The Lord told me to tell you …
– Go ahead and try it, it’s free! (and you get signed up forever and lose mucho $$$)
– I am so happy to see you today!
– No problema … (did the words “thank you” become blase?)
– I will let you know … (yeh-hah – in a coons age …)
– The end of the world will come September 13th, 10:22 pm, so get ready …)
– You look terrific in that outfit! (your Wal-Mart special)
– I’ll only be a minute …
– The phone company said they would be by tomorrow at noon to fix the problem (they show up one afternoon early or 2 days late …)
– You have won the grand prize! Allsyagottadois …
– Bank rep to new customer: “you won’t find a more reasonably priced account and cc anywhere and your personal info is absolutely safe with us (the rates go up a few months later and their puters are hacked or some one loses a laptop with private info on the drive …)
– You have to admire the talent, character and morals of ___________! I watch _________ every chance I get – never miss a game!! (then one day you realize this person is not who they claimed to be … If we or our PR are tooting our own horn, better watch out – self is on the loose …)
– I’ll meet you there at 8 … don’t be late!!! (they never show …)
– “But I sent you the info via email! Look thru your messages again” – (eventually you realize that they are NOT lying and you are NOT visually impaired: they mis-spelled your last name in the addy and it ended up as cyberland fill …)
Think I’ll take a break –
– Time heals all wounds.
– It will only take me 5 minutes to check my email.
– I’ll do it later.
“Now I’m going to be honest with you”
We can start construction as soon as we sign a contract.
No, I’m not mad at you.
Just $19.95 a month, cancel anytime!
Let me transfer you to someone who can help.
“that’s interesting…”
“Just reboot. That will fix it.”
I’ll do it later.
I’ve been a good person. I haven’t murdered anyone. God will let me into heaven.
“it’s not you…it’s me”
“the devil made me do it”
“i love you like a brother”
“oh sorry i can’t see you tonight because i’m washing my hair”
“honey, it’s not what it looks like!!”
FROG Oh, I’m doing great. How are you doing?
“I…will try my best to respond when I have time to give it the attention it deserves.”
🙂
– This is the greatest blog topic ever
– We’re your brothers and sisters in Christ and we REALLY care about you
– It’s not your fault.
– I would do the same thing in your position
-Look over there, what in the world is that thing?!
-You don’t look fat in those clothes.
-Thank you so much! I just love it!
-No, officer… I have no idea how fast I was going
-I’m 29.
-I’ll call you.
“I (we) will be praying for you!!”
(Should have just simplified this to one post…but they just keep coming!)
#3) “Nothing’s wrong…” (Yea, like the whole room doesn’t feel the level 6 earthquake around you)
OH Oh oh and….. “I’m not feeling well I can’t make it in to work today.” Uh huh….suuuure (those coughs and sniffles sounded VERY legitimate and convincing.
I haven’t done any drugs. (I’m a parole officer)
(while on hold)….”An Operator (or fill in the blank) will be with you shortly”
Haha! SO true!
“…in sickness and in health…”
Oh, I’m doing great. How are you?
There is no God. If there were, we wouldn’t have ______ (fill in the blank)
“This is just between you and me…”
“Yeah, I’m listening…”
“I’ll be done in a minute”-quote from my dentist while he performs my root canal.
Volunteer, God will bless you for it !
“The Lord told me to do it…”
There is no hell, and no such thing as a devil.
Bill collector. I am so sorry you lost your job. I just want to help.
Voting really does make a difference.
I understand.
There is a Santa Clause.